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spryngSomething has shifted in the last month. I don't know exactly what precipitated it, but things are... better. I'm more hopeful. Optimistic. Less beaten down and stressed out. A lot less "I don't know how much longer I can keep this up" and a more firm "I can do this."
It could be the diet change. My energy levels in general have been so much better and more stable. I haven't had a fatigue spell since I changed my diet in May. My anxiety has calmed down. I feel stronger and more in control.
It could be the failed therapy attempt. I actually just went through and canceled all the future appointments because I couldn't see myself going back. Not a good fit but also like, she was right: I need to continue building my support network and learn to lean on them. I've had a lot of good Thinks about how to do that in the past week. As well as Thinks about how to shift my perspective on all this, to embrace the good when it happens instead of constantly bracing for the bad.
I'm still low-level worried about my job, I'm still mostly solo-parenting, I'm still struggling to stay on top of basic chores, I'm still bad at actually feeding myself... but the mental shift is making it all a bit easier to handle. I've got my feelers out for other positions, I've got a pretty good routine on the solo-ing, chores are getting done and we don't exactly live in filth, and I signed up for some premade meal delivery because fuck it, I deserve a break.
Nothing has changed. Everything has changed. Brains are so weird. I'm also excited and hopeful for finishing the edits on catastrophe!WIP -- I still think it's got legs when it comes to marketability, I just need to find the right agent. And then though the idea of going through that process fills me with the unsettling buzzing of a giant hornet nest, I feel like I can handle it. Versus early July, when all I wanted to do was succumb to my own worry and give up entirely.
Anyway, on this high I went ahead and scheduled a week of PTO for the first week of August. I'm going to finish these edits if I haven't by then, revise my query letter, write a synopsis, and send out my first batch that week. It's a lot but I'm honestly probably going to be done with edits next week, my query letter is already pretty solid, and I just need to write the synopsis.
I also want to give CG one last summer hurrah before school starts -- either a day at the beach or the springs, it'll be her choice. Because summer! Almost over! How! After school starts, it becomes a lot more difficult to just bugger off to a body of water, so: now, I guess.
Anyway. Yeah. Brains? Brains.
It could be the diet change. My energy levels in general have been so much better and more stable. I haven't had a fatigue spell since I changed my diet in May. My anxiety has calmed down. I feel stronger and more in control.
It could be the failed therapy attempt. I actually just went through and canceled all the future appointments because I couldn't see myself going back. Not a good fit but also like, she was right: I need to continue building my support network and learn to lean on them. I've had a lot of good Thinks about how to do that in the past week. As well as Thinks about how to shift my perspective on all this, to embrace the good when it happens instead of constantly bracing for the bad.
I'm still low-level worried about my job, I'm still mostly solo-parenting, I'm still struggling to stay on top of basic chores, I'm still bad at actually feeding myself... but the mental shift is making it all a bit easier to handle. I've got my feelers out for other positions, I've got a pretty good routine on the solo-ing, chores are getting done and we don't exactly live in filth, and I signed up for some premade meal delivery because fuck it, I deserve a break.
Nothing has changed. Everything has changed. Brains are so weird. I'm also excited and hopeful for finishing the edits on catastrophe!WIP -- I still think it's got legs when it comes to marketability, I just need to find the right agent. And then though the idea of going through that process fills me with the unsettling buzzing of a giant hornet nest, I feel like I can handle it. Versus early July, when all I wanted to do was succumb to my own worry and give up entirely.
Anyway, on this high I went ahead and scheduled a week of PTO for the first week of August. I'm going to finish these edits if I haven't by then, revise my query letter, write a synopsis, and send out my first batch that week. It's a lot but I'm honestly probably going to be done with edits next week, my query letter is already pretty solid, and I just need to write the synopsis.
I also want to give CG one last summer hurrah before school starts -- either a day at the beach or the springs, it'll be her choice. Because summer! Almost over! How! After school starts, it becomes a lot more difficult to just bugger off to a body of water, so: now, I guess.
Anyway. Yeah. Brains? Brains.
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Date: 2025-07-25 12:21 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2025-07-26 05:03 pm (UTC)