(no subject)
May. 13th, 2019 01:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
spryngThe best part about the days lately are the toddler giggles. She went through a rough few months there where every night and morning (and day) felt like a battleground, where any wrong comment or denied wish or simple misunderstanding turned into a full meltdown, but we seem to be on the other side of that.
Of course, fully aware that there will be more tantrums to come. But for now, deep breath. We're okay.
Life is... life. I didn't think it could be more time-starved, but here we are. In December I tried to catch up on the last year. And I got a whole 2 posts in and now it's May.
But today I realized I couldn't remember things from the weekend, let alone a few weeks ago, and it really bothered me. I don't want to let this all go by in a blur of outside walks and sitting at a desk and
Just now I tabbed to my email because my agent had replied to me (we're meeting with my publicist soon, which is why I'm home and have two minutes to write here) and then I tabbed to a chat I was having with a friend and then I tabbed back to my email and then I checked Twitter and then I remembered I was trying to write this post.
My attention is so fractured, I'm not sure I'll ever stitch it back together.
But I want to remember. These chilly gray spring days, every evening when we get home and Lady Jr demands to go for a walk. Her indignation at the birds. Her glee as she flips around to slide belly-down the slide. How she's gotten much better about listening when we say it's time to go. How she hopefully asks for a cookie. How she sings the wheels on the bus go "no no no."
I want to remember this slow realization that I have a book out in the wild and people don't hate it. That I'm going to a big professional writer conference this weekend and I'm going to meet Actual Authors and hellooooo impostor syndrome.
I don't really want to remember how rarely I have any time alone with Dr Lady, how all of our conversations inevitably become "yes that's two trucks. Oh where *did* the car go?"
Maybe. Maybe I can start small. Maybe it doesn't have to be a full recounting of my day, week, month. That can't happen anymore. But I can try to check in with some gratitude.
Gratitude like:
I'm so grateful this child sleeps through the night
I'm so grateful I can still wake up early and write
I'm so grateful for my wife's patience
I'm so grateful for Lady Jr's cheeks, the intense look of concentration she gets sometimes, her Resting Concerned Face.
I'm so grateful, even when it feels so hard to be grateful.
It is cold outside but it is spring. The sun is so much stronger now, the days so much longer, so much fuller.
I am exhausted but I wouldn't trade this for anything.
Of course, fully aware that there will be more tantrums to come. But for now, deep breath. We're okay.
Life is... life. I didn't think it could be more time-starved, but here we are. In December I tried to catch up on the last year. And I got a whole 2 posts in and now it's May.
But today I realized I couldn't remember things from the weekend, let alone a few weeks ago, and it really bothered me. I don't want to let this all go by in a blur of outside walks and sitting at a desk and
Just now I tabbed to my email because my agent had replied to me (we're meeting with my publicist soon, which is why I'm home and have two minutes to write here) and then I tabbed to a chat I was having with a friend and then I tabbed back to my email and then I checked Twitter and then I remembered I was trying to write this post.
My attention is so fractured, I'm not sure I'll ever stitch it back together.
But I want to remember. These chilly gray spring days, every evening when we get home and Lady Jr demands to go for a walk. Her indignation at the birds. Her glee as she flips around to slide belly-down the slide. How she's gotten much better about listening when we say it's time to go. How she hopefully asks for a cookie. How she sings the wheels on the bus go "no no no."
I want to remember this slow realization that I have a book out in the wild and people don't hate it. That I'm going to a big professional writer conference this weekend and I'm going to meet Actual Authors and hellooooo impostor syndrome.
I don't really want to remember how rarely I have any time alone with Dr Lady, how all of our conversations inevitably become "yes that's two trucks. Oh where *did* the car go?"
Maybe. Maybe I can start small. Maybe it doesn't have to be a full recounting of my day, week, month. That can't happen anymore. But I can try to check in with some gratitude.
Gratitude like:
I'm so grateful this child sleeps through the night
I'm so grateful I can still wake up early and write
I'm so grateful for my wife's patience
I'm so grateful for Lady Jr's cheeks, the intense look of concentration she gets sometimes, her Resting Concerned Face.
I'm so grateful, even when it feels so hard to be grateful.
It is cold outside but it is spring. The sun is so much stronger now, the days so much longer, so much fuller.
I am exhausted but I wouldn't trade this for anything.
no subject
Date: 2019-05-13 06:43 pm (UTC)I want to read your book & support the dream! Point me/us in that direction!
no subject
Date: 2019-05-13 08:10 pm (UTC)Yes. I think I'm finally realizing that this moment is a good one. There's been so much looking forward that it's been hard to pause and take stock, but at least the pause is finally happening.
Aaaaaaaaaaaah and the book is over here I guess:
https://us.macmillan.com/series/chroniclesofghadid
(okay, that's a link to both books and the 2nd doesn't come out until November, but. well.)