Thoughts on a Break, Part II
May. 13th, 2015 03:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
spryngIt's May. I'm okay with that. I'm actually antsing for it to be June because a) Switzerland trip and b) that much closer to being done with work and c) we'll be back to TTC land.
A) SWITZERLAND. We're at about five weeks out and yet I'm still not feeling the excitement. I think it's because I've been so caught up in d) Lady's dissertation, e) my D&C procedure, and f) Lady's graduation that I haven't had the leftover mental capacity to process that we will be going to EUROPE and eating ALL THE CHOCOLATE and enjoying ALL THE ALPS and seeing ALL THE LARGE HADRON COLLIDER in a very soon timeframe. But d & e are over with and f is this weekend, so hopefully I can start feeling excited soon.
B) I decided to quit work after being passed over for the promotion, but as much as I wanted to rage-quit right then and there, it made more sense to wait until at least July. Partially because of the Switzerland trip, but also because I would get some swank HSA money if I lingered a few weeks longer. Of course, the problem with waiting is that as every day goes by, I convince myself more and more that quitting is scary and staying is the sane, responsible thing. If I quit, I would get a part-time retail job, which wouldn't pay much but would give me more time to write. But if I stay, even for an extra few months, I might be able to simply quit later and not have to get a part time job. I don't know. It's largely up to how much Lady makes as a Dr Lady.
D) I'm out of order but whatever because DR LADY. She successfully defended her dissertation and everything is roses and peaches. I wrote a lot more about it on the SpeckofAwesome blog and Lady even wrote her own piece in her LJ. I'm very proud of her and I don't think I realized just how much that was hanging over both of ours heads.
F) And having defended, that means she is actually graduating this weekend. All of the parents will be in town tomorrow and I have Friday off and Saturday is graduation proper. We will celebrate. There will be much celebrating.
C & E) In TTC land, I had an HSG mid-April - that's basically where they make sure your tubes are open - and that was all hunky dory and then yesterday I had a D&C, which is where they scrape eeeverything out of your uterus. It's typically for the aftermath of a miscarriage, but my doctor ordered it because he thought my lining was particularly thick and dense, especially considering my history of not having periods. Anyway. It basically meant a day in surgery, which was all shades of terrifying, but that's over and now my bits are squeaky clean and all the big procedures and tests are done.
This means that we get to start trying again come next cycle. Or possibly the one after that, depending on how things shuffle out - we might be in Swisserland during the opportune time, after all. Either way, everything is done and hopefully the drugs are working on my PCOS and something will actually happen this time around.
I have mixed feelings about starting TTC again. On the one hand, I want to hurry up and get started. On the other hand, I don't know how I'm going to handle the continuous worry and stress and disappointment. The whole process is super shitty, but this time around I have quite a few things going for me. One, we've seen the doctor and gotten everything straightened out that was obvious. Two, I have a therapist now. Three, I honestly don't believe pregnancy is a thing that actually happens, so I probably won't get my hopes up anymore.
Anyway. In many ways, I wish it were already June. But I'm trying to remind myself to live in the moment and take these precious, calm, fairly predictable days as the blessings they are.
A) SWITZERLAND. We're at about five weeks out and yet I'm still not feeling the excitement. I think it's because I've been so caught up in d) Lady's dissertation, e) my D&C procedure, and f) Lady's graduation that I haven't had the leftover mental capacity to process that we will be going to EUROPE and eating ALL THE CHOCOLATE and enjoying ALL THE ALPS and seeing ALL THE LARGE HADRON COLLIDER in a very soon timeframe. But d & e are over with and f is this weekend, so hopefully I can start feeling excited soon.
B) I decided to quit work after being passed over for the promotion, but as much as I wanted to rage-quit right then and there, it made more sense to wait until at least July. Partially because of the Switzerland trip, but also because I would get some swank HSA money if I lingered a few weeks longer. Of course, the problem with waiting is that as every day goes by, I convince myself more and more that quitting is scary and staying is the sane, responsible thing. If I quit, I would get a part-time retail job, which wouldn't pay much but would give me more time to write. But if I stay, even for an extra few months, I might be able to simply quit later and not have to get a part time job. I don't know. It's largely up to how much Lady makes as a Dr Lady.
D) I'm out of order but whatever because DR LADY. She successfully defended her dissertation and everything is roses and peaches. I wrote a lot more about it on the SpeckofAwesome blog and Lady even wrote her own piece in her LJ. I'm very proud of her and I don't think I realized just how much that was hanging over both of ours heads.
F) And having defended, that means she is actually graduating this weekend. All of the parents will be in town tomorrow and I have Friday off and Saturday is graduation proper. We will celebrate. There will be much celebrating.
C & E) In TTC land, I had an HSG mid-April - that's basically where they make sure your tubes are open - and that was all hunky dory and then yesterday I had a D&C, which is where they scrape eeeverything out of your uterus. It's typically for the aftermath of a miscarriage, but my doctor ordered it because he thought my lining was particularly thick and dense, especially considering my history of not having periods. Anyway. It basically meant a day in surgery, which was all shades of terrifying, but that's over and now my bits are squeaky clean and all the big procedures and tests are done.
This means that we get to start trying again come next cycle. Or possibly the one after that, depending on how things shuffle out - we might be in Swisserland during the opportune time, after all. Either way, everything is done and hopefully the drugs are working on my PCOS and something will actually happen this time around.
I have mixed feelings about starting TTC again. On the one hand, I want to hurry up and get started. On the other hand, I don't know how I'm going to handle the continuous worry and stress and disappointment. The whole process is super shitty, but this time around I have quite a few things going for me. One, we've seen the doctor and gotten everything straightened out that was obvious. Two, I have a therapist now. Three, I honestly don't believe pregnancy is a thing that actually happens, so I probably won't get my hopes up anymore.
Anyway. In many ways, I wish it were already June. But I'm trying to remind myself to live in the moment and take these precious, calm, fairly predictable days as the blessings they are.
