Frustrated by Fatigue
Jul. 11th, 2024 08:34 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
spryngFinally out of that fatigue spell. I erroneously said it had only been a few days last entry, but looking back, this one's lasted at least eight days. And upon further reflection, most of them last a week, not just 2-3 days. The worst of it is typically only that long, and those are the days that I can hardly function at all.
I don't know if it was the length of this one or the timing or the feeling like I was finally free of them before it hit or that this one threw all of my fledgling hypotheses about the why and when of it out the window, but I'm finally grappling with this as an ongoing, disabling event. I have had to change my life and make different choices and stop doing things I love because of it.
It's frustrating on about 100 different levels, but right now I'm frustrated because I really thought I had a chance to improve at running, improve at swimming, improve at lifting, improve at literally anything physical but I just... can't. I thought I'd finally be able to run a 10k and trained for it in January, February, March, only to be hit by that weird fever and another fatigue spell the week before the 10k race. It took me weeks to recover that time. This time, I was walking every day and just diving into (hah) swimming when I got hit again.
I swear to all the gods that are holy and not that if this turns out to be exercise-related, ie I can only do so much before hitting the fatigue ceiling, I am going to throw a fit. I am not doing that much, I have been very intentional and careful about increasing my mileage, speed, etc, and I want to do these things.
I was trying to figure out tips for speed and distance a few months ago, around the time I was training for the 10k, and I kept running across (hah) the fact that most serious runners run almost every day. I couldn't wrap my head around it at the time -- it seemed impossible. Every day? How do they deal with the exhaustion? The fatigue?
And maybe that's when I started to wonder if I just can't anymore. I used to. Before kids, when we lived in Tucson, I would do crossfit 3x a week, run 3x a week, and also go for long, strenuous hikes on the weekend. I felt amazing and I could have handled more, if I had the time. I didn't have to choose whether to go for a run that morning or be able to keep up with the kids that afternoon. TBF I didn't have kids, but...
To be honest, this is really difficult for me because it feels like the one thing I have left. I had to give up so much over the past few years, but at least I had running. I had lifting. I was just beginning to incorporate "being strong" back into my self. But now even that's in jeopardy.
I don't know. I just. I don't know. I'm the one who takes care of others, I'm the one who can go-go-go, I tough it out and get through, but apparently that can't be me anymore.
I'll see a doctor in a few months, and they'll run some blood tests, and ultimately find nothing. And then it'll just be a shrug and a "well, just do less" and deal with it.
I don't know if it was the length of this one or the timing or the feeling like I was finally free of them before it hit or that this one threw all of my fledgling hypotheses about the why and when of it out the window, but I'm finally grappling with this as an ongoing, disabling event. I have had to change my life and make different choices and stop doing things I love because of it.
It's frustrating on about 100 different levels, but right now I'm frustrated because I really thought I had a chance to improve at running, improve at swimming, improve at lifting, improve at literally anything physical but I just... can't. I thought I'd finally be able to run a 10k and trained for it in January, February, March, only to be hit by that weird fever and another fatigue spell the week before the 10k race. It took me weeks to recover that time. This time, I was walking every day and just diving into (hah) swimming when I got hit again.
I swear to all the gods that are holy and not that if this turns out to be exercise-related, ie I can only do so much before hitting the fatigue ceiling, I am going to throw a fit. I am not doing that much, I have been very intentional and careful about increasing my mileage, speed, etc, and I want to do these things.
I was trying to figure out tips for speed and distance a few months ago, around the time I was training for the 10k, and I kept running across (hah) the fact that most serious runners run almost every day. I couldn't wrap my head around it at the time -- it seemed impossible. Every day? How do they deal with the exhaustion? The fatigue?
And maybe that's when I started to wonder if I just can't anymore. I used to. Before kids, when we lived in Tucson, I would do crossfit 3x a week, run 3x a week, and also go for long, strenuous hikes on the weekend. I felt amazing and I could have handled more, if I had the time. I didn't have to choose whether to go for a run that morning or be able to keep up with the kids that afternoon. TBF I didn't have kids, but...
To be honest, this is really difficult for me because it feels like the one thing I have left. I had to give up so much over the past few years, but at least I had running. I had lifting. I was just beginning to incorporate "being strong" back into my self. But now even that's in jeopardy.
I don't know. I just. I don't know. I'm the one who takes care of others, I'm the one who can go-go-go, I tough it out and get through, but apparently that can't be me anymore.
I'll see a doctor in a few months, and they'll run some blood tests, and ultimately find nothing. And then it'll just be a shrug and a "well, just do less" and deal with it.
