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Jan. 3rd, 2024 06:27 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
spryngI purposefully didn't set out to make any resolutions this New Year's, yet here I am on day 3, adding to a newly created bullet journal. Except it's less a journal and more a series of lists that I'm not even using a fresh journal for -- just a little spiral notebook that's already got notes from a conference two years ago and my daughter's own list or two of sight words.
I started out by making a list of running audiobooks I want to listen to, because I just enjoy the little pep of inspiration they give me. Then I started listing out other books to read, and before you knew it I'd made a little mood map and a gratitude journal. Whoops. My goal, I guess, is to just touch base for 5min a day to remember that day and all the good bits. I'm tired of feeling like my life is slipping through my fingers faster than I can grab hold of it, and some of the research around both making life go a little slower and sweeter is to stop and savor.
I hope it'll also act as a back-up journal of sorts, of all the little things I can't quite find the time to record here. Like CG saying how much she loves the tacos I make and Toddler's increasingly intricate phrasing and like picking through the Little Prince in its original French and actually understanding most of it and finishing reading a book that was very meh but is giving me confidence to keep pushing forward with my own WIP and the satisfaction of cleaning up the garden and reading the Hobbit to CG and Dr Lady laughing at my narration...
There's just so much good right now and I want to grasp it with both hands and hold tight because I know it's all so fleeting, that tomorrow is never promised, and even last night we found out an extended family member has cancer.
Sometimes, when I'm running, I think about how this could be my last run. How we're all so precariously perched and disability can come at any time. How that is both something I shouldn't fear, but also how I shouldn't take now for granted. I want to be happy I did when I was able to, and not regret wasting these beautiful moments. We will grow and we will age and we will die and I can't stop that, wouldn't, but I also want to be here for this, now. So when I am older and can't run anymore, I can say I ran when I could. I used my body when I was able. And I was grateful the entire time.
I started out by making a list of running audiobooks I want to listen to, because I just enjoy the little pep of inspiration they give me. Then I started listing out other books to read, and before you knew it I'd made a little mood map and a gratitude journal. Whoops. My goal, I guess, is to just touch base for 5min a day to remember that day and all the good bits. I'm tired of feeling like my life is slipping through my fingers faster than I can grab hold of it, and some of the research around both making life go a little slower and sweeter is to stop and savor.
I hope it'll also act as a back-up journal of sorts, of all the little things I can't quite find the time to record here. Like CG saying how much she loves the tacos I make and Toddler's increasingly intricate phrasing and like picking through the Little Prince in its original French and actually understanding most of it and finishing reading a book that was very meh but is giving me confidence to keep pushing forward with my own WIP and the satisfaction of cleaning up the garden and reading the Hobbit to CG and Dr Lady laughing at my narration...
There's just so much good right now and I want to grasp it with both hands and hold tight because I know it's all so fleeting, that tomorrow is never promised, and even last night we found out an extended family member has cancer.
Sometimes, when I'm running, I think about how this could be my last run. How we're all so precariously perched and disability can come at any time. How that is both something I shouldn't fear, but also how I shouldn't take now for granted. I want to be happy I did when I was able to, and not regret wasting these beautiful moments. We will grow and we will age and we will die and I can't stop that, wouldn't, but I also want to be here for this, now. So when I am older and can't run anymore, I can say I ran when I could. I used my body when I was able. And I was grateful the entire time.
