Never Easier
Dec. 11th, 2022 06:45 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
spryngA recent realization: just because I have been here, done this before, does not automatically make the emotional/physical/mental toll any less or easier.
Sometimes, it makes it infinitely harder, because all I can think is: I have done this before!! Why isn't it easier now? Truly, I must be a failure.
Ad nauseam.
The above can apply to many recent situations, but right now applies to a certain small somebody:
a) not sleeping well, but more specifically
b) waking up during the only time I get to myself, that awfully early hour of 5am
I have been here before, with Cabin Girl. It lasted, on and off, for at least two years. And I am here again, and some how it is both just as hard and also harder, because I have a full time job and my wife has a full time plus job and there is also Cabin Girl in the mix, who, while much more able to entertain herself, does not do a nap, and so this 5am hour is truly the only hour I get to write, to read, to email, to discord, to research, to project, to dreamwidth, to e x i s t.
It's amazing how much better my day goes when I have that hour. How much easier it is to handle the tantrums and the tears. And there are oh so many tantrums and tears lately, not just from the kids.
But now, the baby is crying, and I must be done.
Sometimes, it makes it infinitely harder, because all I can think is: I have done this before!! Why isn't it easier now? Truly, I must be a failure.
Ad nauseam.
The above can apply to many recent situations, but right now applies to a certain small somebody:
a) not sleeping well, but more specifically
b) waking up during the only time I get to myself, that awfully early hour of 5am
I have been here before, with Cabin Girl. It lasted, on and off, for at least two years. And I am here again, and some how it is both just as hard and also harder, because I have a full time job and my wife has a full time plus job and there is also Cabin Girl in the mix, who, while much more able to entertain herself, does not do a nap, and so this 5am hour is truly the only hour I get to write, to read, to email, to discord, to research, to project, to dreamwidth, to e x i s t.
It's amazing how much better my day goes when I have that hour. How much easier it is to handle the tantrums and the tears. And there are oh so many tantrums and tears lately, not just from the kids.
But now, the baby is crying, and I must be done.
