Third in a Row
Jul. 19th, 2019 04:58 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
spryngAnother night Lady Jr woke crying and I couldn't get her back to sleep without bringing her to our bed. She's been out like a light since then, but we'll see how long that lasts now that I'm up.
Another morning and I'm here, dumping my thoughts. I wonder if this will help with my depression/anxiety, actually. I've just started seeing a therapist again (same one as before) and I know 80% of my inability to cope is that I feel like I have no one to talk to. I mean, I can talk to my wife, but she's heard it all before, and also I can't really talk to my wife because every thought is cut short before it starts by a "truck! red truck! five red trucks!" which is cute and all but also mommy needs a mental health check.
So actually yesterday was kind of amazing? One of my readers started an Incorrect Quotes twitter bot for my books and I kinda knew this was basically the thing I always wanted but also it's perfect. It's almost as good as fanart (which I've gotten once, although from an old friend so idk if that counts) and honestly, I don't think I ever believed anyone else would like my characters as much as I do, or have fun with them like I did, so seeing that was just so, so cool.
Especially right now, when I've been struggling again with how little my publisher seems/is doing. It's just been hard to believe in myself/my book because every time I think it deserves more, I'm hit with this choking self-loathing, this how dare I, and then I start spiraling.
But that's a different post.
Amazing thing #2 - I did a last minute phone interview for Den of Geek, one of those nerdtastic news/essay sites. I don't know what's wrong with my phone but people always sound like they're underwater when I'm talking to them, so I didn't always hear the full questions and had to ask the interviewer to repeat herself and of course, afterwards I thought of all the things I should have said but HOW COOL. I did an interview. Like a fancy schmancy person.
Amazing thing #3 - My boss came over mid-afternoon all like "hey I need to show you this mock up" and I brushed her off because this big project is due like, yesterday, but she was insistent so I finally went and lol, apparently it was a ruse to get me in her office to give me a raise. I've only been there six months but I guess that's normal??? Anyway it was nice to hear her say nice things about me and my work there even though I wanted to dissolve into moths instead and even though I feel like I've been half-assing it most of the time.
Ugh, it's such a good job. I kinda hate that I found it now of all times, when I've realized I can't keep doing this parenting and writing and fulltime jobbing thing forever without burning out hard. But they have such ridiculously good benefits (they just started doing parental leave) and they're genuinely nice people and they seem to actually care about the community and what have you. They've both spoiled me for future employers and also made me want to stick around, but I just. *gestures at time*
Well, I'll be there until we move at least.
Speaking of not having time for writing, I think I'm awake enough to do that now and Lady Jr is still asleep, so.
Another morning and I'm here, dumping my thoughts. I wonder if this will help with my depression/anxiety, actually. I've just started seeing a therapist again (same one as before) and I know 80% of my inability to cope is that I feel like I have no one to talk to. I mean, I can talk to my wife, but she's heard it all before, and also I can't really talk to my wife because every thought is cut short before it starts by a "truck! red truck! five red trucks!" which is cute and all but also mommy needs a mental health check.
So actually yesterday was kind of amazing? One of my readers started an Incorrect Quotes twitter bot for my books and I kinda knew this was basically the thing I always wanted but also it's perfect. It's almost as good as fanart (which I've gotten once, although from an old friend so idk if that counts) and honestly, I don't think I ever believed anyone else would like my characters as much as I do, or have fun with them like I did, so seeing that was just so, so cool.
Especially right now, when I've been struggling again with how little my publisher seems/is doing. It's just been hard to believe in myself/my book because every time I think it deserves more, I'm hit with this choking self-loathing, this how dare I, and then I start spiraling.
But that's a different post.
Amazing thing #2 - I did a last minute phone interview for Den of Geek, one of those nerdtastic news/essay sites. I don't know what's wrong with my phone but people always sound like they're underwater when I'm talking to them, so I didn't always hear the full questions and had to ask the interviewer to repeat herself and of course, afterwards I thought of all the things I should have said but HOW COOL. I did an interview. Like a fancy schmancy person.
Amazing thing #3 - My boss came over mid-afternoon all like "hey I need to show you this mock up" and I brushed her off because this big project is due like, yesterday, but she was insistent so I finally went and lol, apparently it was a ruse to get me in her office to give me a raise. I've only been there six months but I guess that's normal??? Anyway it was nice to hear her say nice things about me and my work there even though I wanted to dissolve into moths instead and even though I feel like I've been half-assing it most of the time.
Ugh, it's such a good job. I kinda hate that I found it now of all times, when I've realized I can't keep doing this parenting and writing and fulltime jobbing thing forever without burning out hard. But they have such ridiculously good benefits (they just started doing parental leave) and they're genuinely nice people and they seem to actually care about the community and what have you. They've both spoiled me for future employers and also made me want to stick around, but I just. *gestures at time*
Well, I'll be there until we move at least.
Speaking of not having time for writing, I think I'm awake enough to do that now and Lady Jr is still asleep, so.
