Two More Days
Sep. 15th, 2015 08:23 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
spryngHonestly, I'm a little afraid at this point. So much is riding on Thursday that I am now convinced it is better for that day to never arrive, for us to live in this hopeful limbo, the box with the cat alive or dead still closed, than it is to open that box and know for sure. I don't know if it's just the continual trauma/disappointment of TTC over the past two years or what, but I'm more than half convinced that something awful and unexpected is going to happen when we reach Thursday.
Because of course it would, and then we would have to tell everyone that we actually aren't going to France, moving away, doing something cool and exciting -
Paradoxically, I'm also afraid just to know for sure that we're doing this. Up until then, it's been kind of fun just to dream about fancy French dresses and eating French croissants and twirling through French streets and hitting up the beaches of the Mediterranean and eating lots of gelato. But the reality is, it's going to be a big change and a lot of things are going to be hard, made even more difficult because of the language barrier. I've lived overseas before, but that was through an exchange program, I'd had three years of the language, and I had a support system. So I know about culture shock and homesickness and just days and weeks of feeling completely overwhelmed and lost.
But at the same time, I also know I've grown a lot since then, I've travelled more, and I have a whole bunch more (& better) coping mechanisms than I did then. I also have my wife.
So yeah. Thursday. I'm afraid because I know exactly how hard it can (and probably will) be. But I'm also excited because I know we can handle it.
Two more days!
Because of course it would, and then we would have to tell everyone that we actually aren't going to France, moving away, doing something cool and exciting -
Paradoxically, I'm also afraid just to know for sure that we're doing this. Up until then, it's been kind of fun just to dream about fancy French dresses and eating French croissants and twirling through French streets and hitting up the beaches of the Mediterranean and eating lots of gelato. But the reality is, it's going to be a big change and a lot of things are going to be hard, made even more difficult because of the language barrier. I've lived overseas before, but that was through an exchange program, I'd had three years of the language, and I had a support system. So I know about culture shock and homesickness and just days and weeks of feeling completely overwhelmed and lost.
But at the same time, I also know I've grown a lot since then, I've travelled more, and I have a whole bunch more (& better) coping mechanisms than I did then. I also have my wife.
So yeah. Thursday. I'm afraid because I know exactly how hard it can (and probably will) be. But I'm also excited because I know we can handle it.
Two more days!
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Date: 2015-09-16 07:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-09-16 11:36 pm (UTC)