spryng | Shaking it Out

This has been a long, weird, depressed week. I think I know the main reason, but so many little things have accumulated that I feel like I need to let them out and move on, so I can start next week fresh.

- Main reason: Hormones. I hate blaming things on hormones, but lately about once a month I've been getting super depressed. So I think it's safe to blame that on hormones. Usually it's only for a day, but this time it's lingered all week, cycling through general malaise to a full on, hardcore self-hate fest.

- General malaise also meant I wasn't getting much done on my to-do list and in life. So not much writing happened. And more than half of this week's to-do list has not been accomplished. :(

- I hate hate hate work. Have I mentioned I hate work? I took this position to learn something new and there has been fuck-all in the new department and everything in the sitting-in-the-basement with a bunch of people who don't seem to like me and who I don't seem to like for company. It could be worse. I know it could be worse. But damn, I am so very done there mentally and have lost all motivation to even pretend like I'm doing work. I just can't pretend to care any more.

- I feel like I can't underscore not getting things done. It's really frustrating.

- Made the mistake of weighing myself. :(

- Having a bit of a weirdness with a friend. I know this is partially my fault because I'm expecting her to be something she's not, but also she's been in a weird place lately that seems to be changing daily and making it difficult to figure out where we are. It's making me flash back to Tracey days and I don't want to lose her as a friend - and I'm sure I won't - but you know. Paranoid.

Phew.

Ok.

This week is going to be better.

Let us count the ways.

1) Chicken coop! It's gone from big, scary, unknowable and untenable thing to something that is (slowly) coming together. With the frame up we know what we're doing and I'm pretty sure next weekend is going to be chicken-acquiring weekend.

2) CAKE. This is August, my birth month, and I am celebrating with CAKE every weekend from here on out. This upcoming weekend is CARROT CAKE, because I hate the usual carrot cake and I want to try my hand at making it palatable. Following CARROT CAKE is SUPER CHOCOLATE CAKE, then ALMOND CAKE, and finally TIRAMISU. All of which I'm going to make a wild attempt to keep gluten free. Oh, there will be photos.

3) No more size matters! The class is over, and so is the guilt. I didn't even go the last week because I felt so bad for not going (right?!) and also, well, fat. And stupid. And malaise. But without the class, I have no obligation to go out in the evenings and thank god because I need my evenings back.

4) Writing. I am going to write more this week. Period.

5) Hormones are done. Thank god.

6) Holy shit I am going to get a hair cut if it kills me.

7) And henna my hair.

8) And just overall make sure I feel pretty and not fat and bloated and long-haired this week.

9) I am going to lift on my lunch today.

10) I am going to run tomorrow morning.

11) I am going to just generally take care of myself this week and make sure my to-do list is extra small and manageable.

12) Did I mention chickens?