Thoughts on a Lunch Break, Part X
May. 13th, 2013 12:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
spryng- Hullo depression. You're still here? You do know you weren't invited to this party, right?
- Glancing back through my posts so far this year, it's been pretty evenly down. :/ I don't know why. No, I know why. I don't know how to get out of it. Is this what being out of college for 5+ years and having nothing solid to show for it feels like? Because this is certainly what it looks like.
- Yet I'm not really doing anything to mitigate this overall feeling of unaccomplishment. Which is not helping. So obviously you'd think being active and doing something about help. Except I can't seem to get myself to do that active bit because of the first. Repeat ad nauseam.
- There are, thankfully, other things actually going on outside of my head aside from the constant "you suck so hard, you suck at sucking" refrain. They are:
- Taking the Size Matters 12-week class/experiment/fun times at our box. It's basically hardcore focused hypertrophy, i.e. the stuff of bodybuilding, with two things you can focus on. The first is classic bulking, preferably muscle, the second is building a frame while leaning out. We're in the second group. Which means 4x week for 12 weeks spot-specific workouts + a much more focused diet. I don't know exactly how the diet will evolve over those four weeks, but they're starting us out at 30-40-30 fat-protein-carb ration which is a lot more difficult than either us of had thought. Will be reporting in on this.
- Also related to the class is actually having to be aware of where we are now, and I might have been a little blind on this. :/ Took before photos on Saturday and they do not look good. Which I guess is the point. But I've been letting things slide more than I thought and my weight panic is setting in.
- Writing. I've been fiddling with a re-write of GW, fixing the things that brought it too far from the genre it should be in. I had a friend read it who's also a writer and worked with an agency for a while and she had a lot of helpful advice, especially addressing that whole not-really-in-a-genre thing. But first I'm going to finish a side project I have (a short story of all things! gasp!!) and get into a rhythm of querying.
- Work. I still don't have an escape plan, but I have a few possibilities floating around. I also thought it was getting better and then I started tearing up before I even got to my desk this morning, soooo... I need to talk to my boss, but I also need to be in a place where I won't start crying as soon as I try to talk to her. :/ People don't seem to appreciate that.
- Hadrian's Wall! It's getting close and I'm getting scared, which means I'm ignoring everything about it. Not good.
- Huh. I thought I was going to try to write positive things. Why is it so hard to think of positive things?
- Glancing back through my posts so far this year, it's been pretty evenly down. :/ I don't know why. No, I know why. I don't know how to get out of it. Is this what being out of college for 5+ years and having nothing solid to show for it feels like? Because this is certainly what it looks like.
- Yet I'm not really doing anything to mitigate this overall feeling of unaccomplishment. Which is not helping. So obviously you'd think being active and doing something about help. Except I can't seem to get myself to do that active bit because of the first. Repeat ad nauseam.
- There are, thankfully, other things actually going on outside of my head aside from the constant "you suck so hard, you suck at sucking" refrain. They are:
- Taking the Size Matters 12-week class/experiment/fun times at our box. It's basically hardcore focused hypertrophy, i.e. the stuff of bodybuilding, with two things you can focus on. The first is classic bulking, preferably muscle, the second is building a frame while leaning out. We're in the second group. Which means 4x week for 12 weeks spot-specific workouts + a much more focused diet. I don't know exactly how the diet will evolve over those four weeks, but they're starting us out at 30-40-30 fat-protein-carb ration which is a lot more difficult than either us of had thought. Will be reporting in on this.
- Also related to the class is actually having to be aware of where we are now, and I might have been a little blind on this. :/ Took before photos on Saturday and they do not look good. Which I guess is the point. But I've been letting things slide more than I thought and my weight panic is setting in.
- Writing. I've been fiddling with a re-write of GW, fixing the things that brought it too far from the genre it should be in. I had a friend read it who's also a writer and worked with an agency for a while and she had a lot of helpful advice, especially addressing that whole not-really-in-a-genre thing. But first I'm going to finish a side project I have (a short story of all things! gasp!!) and get into a rhythm of querying.
- Work. I still don't have an escape plan, but I have a few possibilities floating around. I also thought it was getting better and then I started tearing up before I even got to my desk this morning, soooo... I need to talk to my boss, but I also need to be in a place where I won't start crying as soon as I try to talk to her. :/ People don't seem to appreciate that.
- Hadrian's Wall! It's getting close and I'm getting scared, which means I'm ignoring everything about it. Not good.
- Huh. I thought I was going to try to write positive things. Why is it so hard to think of positive things?
