spryng | How to Get Gay Married

This whole marriage thing is coming up faster than I'd like. It feels like just a few days ago it was ten months and we had plenty of time still. Now we're getting close to the Very Important 3 month mark, which is when Everything Ever must be decided and invites sent out and Crazy Commence. And I am realizing just how much we still have to figure out.

Sure, we got the food down and the guests and the music is coming along and the venue has been reserved since way last August and we have a photographer and damn, I even ordered my dress -

But there's still the absolute most important, and most intimidating, portion that we've both been avoiding in favor of the - in comparison - much simpler decisions.

The actual marriage part of it. The ceremony and all that entails. You think that one would be simple and straightforward - just take the traditional ceremony, insert you and her and some words, wipe your hands and go dwell on flower pinterest boards for the rest of the day. But no. As soon as you double up on your female pronouns, all the structure becomes wobbily and crashes down. Who walks when? With whom? Who says what? When? And who the heck is even going to stand up there with you? Are you going to do a candle ceremony? Sand? Ribbons? Bats?

I feel like I'm at the beginning of a big research paper and I have a thesis statement and some basic points I absolutely know I want to hit, but still no structure or actual content. And every time I sit down to start writing the paper I get distracted because what about this little detail over here or what if I haven't researched this enough or what if I've got the structure all wrong - and the enormity of simply taking that first step is too much, even though it will become so much easier once I actually start writing it. And I can always revise.

Whew. Analogies. But that's what it feels like and it doesn't help that I'm trying to straddle the line between traditional enough to be recognizable to my very conservative family and creative enough to be a believable representation of us. The fun thing about getting gay married is it's new and uncharted territory so we can do whatever the hell we want. But every deviation from a trad ceremony makes it less relatable for my family, and it's very important for me that they're there, they see it, and they get that this commitment we're making is no different than a hetero marriage. Yeah, it's cool these days not to give a fuck what your family thinks, but for me having this ceremony, having this public commitment, is just as much about our two families as it is us.

So if that means I have to agonize about every little detail of the ceremony, well. I'd better just get started writing.