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May. 15th, 2025 05:35 amThree things I'm grateful for: a relatively uncluttered and clean house; the bouncy curls in 4yo's hair; Cabin Girl's increasingly fierce wit
Before I finished my WIP, I told myself to watch out for the Completion Sads (TM). I don't know if it's purely the letdown from the emotional rush of completing something, but Every. Single. Time. I come down with them. This time, they took about two weeks to find me and by then I had foolishly thought I was through the danger zone. But nope: I've been feeling down about my WIP, my writing, my pub-life in general all week.
Part of it is I also don't quite know what to do with myself during these periods. The WIP is with a few friends for beta-ing and so I'm in a sort of limbo. If I pursue pub with this, inevitably they will ask for a sequel at the very least, so I've been trying to sort one out. But at the same time, that feels very Cart Before Horse - I should be spreading my words more widely, working on something entirely new if this project doesn't pan out. But what would that be? Do I go back to the two trunked novels and try to fix them or do I start something entirely new -- but by the time I get my brain into a different story, hopefully my betas will have come back to me with some wisdom, so then I'll have to pivot again, so really I should just stay with this story, but then what if it's really trash and I'm just wasting my time --
So yeah. That's the mental loop I'm in. You would think I would realize that the best thing to do is take a big breath and a break, but it's hard to let go of the habits I've honed over the last year: getting up early just to write, running so I can think about plot, untangling plot threads while I fall asleep. That's a lot of mental space suddenly freed up, and my anxiety, like a weed, is the first to set its roots.
Dayjob isn't helping either, as we're currently in a Do More With Less spiral. We lost 8 folks from our department last fall and just last week we lost another 3, and literally in the same meeting in which we found out, we were told we'd be expected to complete more projects. Also that HR doesn't think we're efficient enough. Morale was already in the trenches, I'm sure kicking us a bit will help us feel better, right? Might as well go ahead and tell us we're to blame now when we inevitably can't hit all these project deadlines.
I'm trying to let it wash over me and focus on the future. Summer's just around the corner and Cabin Girl is writing essays for class about What She'll Do This Summer, so we had to actually decide. It's going to be pretty chill (lol), but we'll hit the beach a few times and Orlando at least once (to see friends, to go to the science museum, and maybe a theme park if the ticket prices aren't insane). Last year we did a Week and then pretty much nothing else; this year I want to spread it out at least a little. Also Lady's ability to do A Lot is pretty much nonexistent, so smaller doses with plenty of time to rest is ideal.
Okay, back to chasing my tail re this WIP.
Before I finished my WIP, I told myself to watch out for the Completion Sads (TM). I don't know if it's purely the letdown from the emotional rush of completing something, but Every. Single. Time. I come down with them. This time, they took about two weeks to find me and by then I had foolishly thought I was through the danger zone. But nope: I've been feeling down about my WIP, my writing, my pub-life in general all week.
Part of it is I also don't quite know what to do with myself during these periods. The WIP is with a few friends for beta-ing and so I'm in a sort of limbo. If I pursue pub with this, inevitably they will ask for a sequel at the very least, so I've been trying to sort one out. But at the same time, that feels very Cart Before Horse - I should be spreading my words more widely, working on something entirely new if this project doesn't pan out. But what would that be? Do I go back to the two trunked novels and try to fix them or do I start something entirely new -- but by the time I get my brain into a different story, hopefully my betas will have come back to me with some wisdom, so then I'll have to pivot again, so really I should just stay with this story, but then what if it's really trash and I'm just wasting my time --
So yeah. That's the mental loop I'm in. You would think I would realize that the best thing to do is take a big breath and a break, but it's hard to let go of the habits I've honed over the last year: getting up early just to write, running so I can think about plot, untangling plot threads while I fall asleep. That's a lot of mental space suddenly freed up, and my anxiety, like a weed, is the first to set its roots.
Dayjob isn't helping either, as we're currently in a Do More With Less spiral. We lost 8 folks from our department last fall and just last week we lost another 3, and literally in the same meeting in which we found out, we were told we'd be expected to complete more projects. Also that HR doesn't think we're efficient enough. Morale was already in the trenches, I'm sure kicking us a bit will help us feel better, right? Might as well go ahead and tell us we're to blame now when we inevitably can't hit all these project deadlines.
I'm trying to let it wash over me and focus on the future. Summer's just around the corner and Cabin Girl is writing essays for class about What She'll Do This Summer, so we had to actually decide. It's going to be pretty chill (lol), but we'll hit the beach a few times and Orlando at least once (to see friends, to go to the science museum, and maybe a theme park if the ticket prices aren't insane). Last year we did a Week and then pretty much nothing else; this year I want to spread it out at least a little. Also Lady's ability to do A Lot is pretty much nonexistent, so smaller doses with plenty of time to rest is ideal.
Okay, back to chasing my tail re this WIP.
