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Where'd all this April come from?
Apr. 11th, 2015 05:26 amHoly shit the last two weeks have been draining. Why did I decide to go back to Crossfit now? The only time I can go is during my lunch period, but I've also been using my lunch period for all these appointments and tests, so in the past two weeks I have been having 10+ hour days away from home. I've had maybe two normal days in the last two weeks.
Between that and whatever exhaustion this is that is plaguing me (allergies? anemia?? thyroid???) it's been tough doing anything aside from conking out when I get home. I hope this gets better soon.
Still, I have been able to write a query for TIC (fka ITSW) and send that to a handful of agents wot looked good as well as write a rough draft synopsis. Once that synopsis is done, I can query even more agents because half of them seem to want the damn thing. I feel like pages should be sufficient, but whatever. I'll jump these hoops because I really really really want TIC to be my debut.
I don't know if I'm just still too close to the work or if it's actually any good, but I have so many good feelings about it. I really hope at least somebody asks for pages because otherwise I am going to be So. Disappoint. For once, though, I kind of understand those people who just go self publish after being rejected a ton. They just believe in their work that much. And that's kind of where I am and where I need to back away from, because I can't be remotely objective in that space.
In extensive-testing-and-procedures land, I got my blood test results back yesterday aaaaand - I have PCOS. Officially. I'm still processing that, because everything I read about PCOS is "lose weight!" and "diabetes!" and "insulin resistance!" and "control your glucose!" which just seems so anathema to my own experiences and body. It didn't help that the dr proscribed metformin and when I picked it up (in it's GIGANTIC BOTTLE OF GIGANTICNESS) all the lit was about diabetes.
After some googling I was reassured a little to find others with the same experience of non-insulin resistant PCOS, but they are definitely in the minority. It's still a little overwhelming and I still can't shake this... I don't know, this childish need to cry it's not fair! and throw a tantrum. I'm very glad I have a diagnosis and therefore Something That Can be Fixed, don't get me wrong, but I also feel like I'm already doing so much - eating paleo, sticking with what I found on the AIP, exercising daily, drinking water, getting sleep, avoiding carbs, etc etc - and that it's not enough, may never be enough, is really hard to take in.
People have said well just think how much worse it would be if you weren't doing all those things and that is actually even less helpful because then I feel like I can never screw up. And my wife will tell you I'm already toeing the line of orthorexia on my good days.
Anyway. I'm sure I'll feel better once I have a few days to take it in. And maybe the metformin will actually work. I don't know - but I do have a lot of pills to go through. o.o
HSG is next week and, for good or bad, I have an interview for this promotion the same morning. Better than the following morning, I guess?
Between that and whatever exhaustion this is that is plaguing me (allergies? anemia?? thyroid???) it's been tough doing anything aside from conking out when I get home. I hope this gets better soon.
Still, I have been able to write a query for TIC (fka ITSW) and send that to a handful of agents wot looked good as well as write a rough draft synopsis. Once that synopsis is done, I can query even more agents because half of them seem to want the damn thing. I feel like pages should be sufficient, but whatever. I'll jump these hoops because I really really really want TIC to be my debut.
I don't know if I'm just still too close to the work or if it's actually any good, but I have so many good feelings about it. I really hope at least somebody asks for pages because otherwise I am going to be So. Disappoint. For once, though, I kind of understand those people who just go self publish after being rejected a ton. They just believe in their work that much. And that's kind of where I am and where I need to back away from, because I can't be remotely objective in that space.
In extensive-testing-and-procedures land, I got my blood test results back yesterday aaaaand - I have PCOS. Officially. I'm still processing that, because everything I read about PCOS is "lose weight!" and "diabetes!" and "insulin resistance!" and "control your glucose!" which just seems so anathema to my own experiences and body. It didn't help that the dr proscribed metformin and when I picked it up (in it's GIGANTIC BOTTLE OF GIGANTICNESS) all the lit was about diabetes.
After some googling I was reassured a little to find others with the same experience of non-insulin resistant PCOS, but they are definitely in the minority. It's still a little overwhelming and I still can't shake this... I don't know, this childish need to cry it's not fair! and throw a tantrum. I'm very glad I have a diagnosis and therefore Something That Can be Fixed, don't get me wrong, but I also feel like I'm already doing so much - eating paleo, sticking with what I found on the AIP, exercising daily, drinking water, getting sleep, avoiding carbs, etc etc - and that it's not enough, may never be enough, is really hard to take in.
People have said well just think how much worse it would be if you weren't doing all those things and that is actually even less helpful because then I feel like I can never screw up. And my wife will tell you I'm already toeing the line of orthorexia on my good days.
Anyway. I'm sure I'll feel better once I have a few days to take it in. And maybe the metformin will actually work. I don't know - but I do have a lot of pills to go through. o.o
HSG is next week and, for good or bad, I have an interview for this promotion the same morning. Better than the following morning, I guess?
