(no subject)

Tomorrow is the demo lesson and it's all I can think about and I shouldn't be as terrified as I am, but I am, and I've been intermittently nauseous all week, especially most of yesterday, and I just need to calm down and stop catastrophizing everything but it's really hard because what if I freeze up or say something stupid or can't remember something or run out of time or have too much time or they plant a problem student or all of my expectations/assumptions are wrong or I vomit in the middle of class or something stupidly small happens and I freak out or somebody throws a chair at me or no one can read my handwriting or I make a colossal mistake without even realizing it or or or there's something else I don't plan for and it happens and derails me and I can't get the students to take me seriously and all of these things are on a reel looping through my head, awake and asleep, but soon it will be over, so soon, but not soon enough - and then I can be a normal person again.