On Vegetarianism

This past spring marked my eleven-year anniversary of being a vegetarian, that day oh-so-long-ago when I first abruptly decided to eschew meat. My reasons at the time were shallow and energetic, much like my middle school self. We watched a short video about animal cruelty in one of my electives and the next day my best friend and I had vowed to become vegetarians together. I went home that night to hamburgers on the grill and, instead of actually saying something, announced my new meat-free attitude by eating a plain bun with cheese. My family was neither amused nor happy. My brother teased me, saying it wouldn't last a week. Largely because of him it's been much longer.

Not that I've been a shining example of vegetarianism all these years. I've lapsed: I had a burger just a few months ago out of sheer curiosity. I had longer lapses in high school, when I lived in Germany. Told again and again by my family that Germans wouldn't know what to do with a vegetarian, I surrendered and said I'd eat chicken and fish. That didn't stop my first host mother from adding my "vegetarianism" to the list of things that were tearing their family apart. My second host family couldn't care less and I was able to drop all meat again without being shamed. Besides, the rest of Germany was more than accommodating of my diet; there were delicious falafel stands on every corner.

Other than that I've pretty much been consistently vegetarian. And since college I've consistently questioned it. I used to be shy about admitting that I originally became one due to a video and a pact with a friend. I've felt like I have to have Very Good Reasons, because inevitably someone will attack me for it. I've been told I'm going to hell for being a vegetarian; I've not yet been told (to my face) the same for being a lesbian. People have made fun of me, people have mocked me, people have taken raw meat dripping with blood (or whatever that red stuff is – is it really just water?) and shoved it in my face. So my vegetarianism has had to be staunch. And I always felt like I had to have all the answers and all the reasons, just to have a few extra for back-up.

But why? Really, why? I've been trying to answer this question for the last half of my vegetarian stint. It's not that I particularly care about animals or animal cruelty. I do to an extent, but I can divorce that knowledge from the lifeless flesh in front of me easily enough. And that excuse never would have flown with my family.

It's not that I particularly care about the meat industry's effect on the environment. I do now more than I used to, now that I understand its effect a little better (see this recent article). But farming does a pretty awful number on the environment as well and you don't see me scrambling for organic in the same way. Driving is equally terrible, yet I still haven't fixed my bike. I'm much more of a reduce-reuse-recycle environmentalist.

It became a habit. And it really is easier to order off a menu when your selection has already been pre-narrowed down to three items. It's easier to ignore that section of the super market, all those extra pizza options, all those fast food restaurants. It's easier to omit every meat from your diet, regardless of origin, cost, and environmental impact than trying to be selective. Being a vegetarian has strict, but easy, guidelines which not only help you, but help others to figure out what to expect.

But I'm rethinking it. More and more, it's harder to say you don't eat meat for animal rights and cruelty reasons because there are more and more small farmers popping up who actually treat their animals with a modicum of respect. And there is research on both sides about what is best for your health and for your environment. Even crops can be detrimental to the environment, its workforce, and your own person. Just look at corn. Fucking everything is made from corn.

Not that I'm going to throw up my hands and say "fuck it, I'm eating meat at every meal." That's not the right direction. But I can't just say I don't eat meat because it's animal cruelty; there are farms where it's not, and there are dairy farms where it is. Now, using vegetarianism as a cruelty-free, eco-friendly way of life is lazy. If I'm really going to be true to all those granola ideals rolling around in my head, then I've got to throw away my habits and reevaluate all the food I eat, just like I did ten years ago. And like then, when I decided chicken stock isn't that big of a deal in my soup, I'll find my own concessions. It's not about finding the most perfect food out there, all the time, and with an appropriate snobby demeanor - it's just about being more conscious. Which means sometimes that happy, free-range chicken is going to trump tofu grown from soy owned by Monsanto.

So I'm not really a vegetarian anymore, I guess. Not sure what I am, although I'll cling to that label for simplicity's sake for a while yet.