T Minus Nine Days

It has been packing, packing and more packing. Our apartment is a mess and we were sprung with a surprise showing tomorrow. Apparently they have a couple who want to rent our apartment. Great timing - boxes everywhere! It'll give them a feel of what it'll look like when they move in, I suppose. Natch, actually spent most of the day cleaning because I can't stand strangers seeing our apartment in a mess. So the floors and kitchen and bathroom are clean, but there are still boxes e v e r y w h e r e.

Beyond the packing, both Lady and I have had the uber cold. Beyond the uber cold, I've been having random fits of glee all week. Mostly along the lines of "I'm engaged! *Glee*." Also: thank you thank you for all of the congrats and well-wishes, both here and on FB. It's so good to have all this support, especially after getting only awkwardness from mom. I told her on Tuesday and that conversation ranked up there with my other most awkward conversations with mom, and those include the sex talk and the coming out talk. I think she mostly didn't know what to do with the information, having never thought about the possibility to begin with.

Lady and I had talked (a lot) about getting married or domestic partnered prior to her actual proposal, but it's funny how being engaged makes everything that much more real. I've been thinking about gay engagement (or as mom put it, "lesbian engagement") and gay married / gay commitment ceremonies fairly non-stop all week. And not just in the, oh that'd be nice, and oh, we should have this kind of cake ways, but in the what-does-it-actually-mean-for-us way. Because let's face it, there's a very good chance it still won't be legal in any place we might be living in the next few years. So it may just be ceremonial. And why would we need to have a ceremony to prove that we're committed?

I don't know the answer to that in its entirety, but I do know there's a big gap between girlfriend and spouse. Co-workers will ask you why you're moving to AZ when it's your gf who is going to grad school; if it's a spouse, they assume you're going regardless. A gf may or may not be invited to family functions and it'd certainly be awkward if she showed up unannounced; a spouse has an assumed invitation. Numerous other social implications that came to mind but aren't now. Not to mention the legal aspect, the knowledge that you won't be denied entrance to a hospital room, the tax benefits, the health coverage benefits, et cetera.

I'm not saying you can't have all that without getting married. There are ways around most of all of the above. But words have meaning and power which we as a society lend to them and girlfriend has a completely different social and legal meaning than spouse does. A whole different level of implied, assumed commitment. And as much as I enjoy bucking against society and social expectations, sometimes it's just easier to go with the existing constructions than to try and forge your own.

That and I've always wanted to get married. When I first figured out that I liked girls, I distinctly remember being more heart broken over the thought of not being able to get married than anything else. I like the ceremonious aspect of it, the coming together of families, the cake and the dancing, and yes, the commitment. I like that people celebrate relationships that have lasted centuries. I love love.

In short, I really hope DOMA gets thrown out in the coming year.