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I think I finally realize why I don't like Mother's Day. Aside from the obvious -- the commercialization of it all, the way we sweep maternal (and parental) welfare under the rug even on the one day we should really talk about it, the lack of any parental leave or care in this country, the strange "happy mother's day!" from strangers who have been making Assumptions since I was 17, the grief it pulls up for those who've lost their mothers, the grief for those whose mothers were never there --
Aside from all that, there's a heavy expectation that the "mother" will have things done for them. And I reckoned with the reality that if you want something to happen, you have to do it, a long time ago. Birthdays, important days, holidays -- you want to celebrate? You better plan for it.
But you're actively not expected to plan for mother's day, which, a) fuck that, but also, b) it's hard to shake the feeling that someone else should be doing something. Even harder when you've got two moms. I tried a while ago to see if we could trade mother's & father's day each year, but that didn't work (even when I got a bowtie). And now the kids have Expectations that we do something, yet are too young to understand the above-stated reality and/or actually do anything themselves.
So it's always with a sense of dread that Mother's Day approaches. This year we're doing brunch with my mom and another mom (whose kids are with their dad this weekend). I tried to at least pick foods that could just be popped in the oven / chopped up, and maybe having two extra moms around will distract the kids. Because folks, I was on my own with both kids all day yesterday and I am tired. I love them, and one of them had been up since 4am.
It has been nice to see CG's interest in mother's day evolve from one of self to realizing it's a day for others, though. She asked me if I wanted to sleep in for mother's day and I just started laughing. I haven't been able to sleep in since even before kids. All I want is a quiet morning to drink my coffee and write, and... well, it's almost 5am and maybe I'll get that today.
Aside from all that, there's a heavy expectation that the "mother" will have things done for them. And I reckoned with the reality that if you want something to happen, you have to do it, a long time ago. Birthdays, important days, holidays -- you want to celebrate? You better plan for it.
But you're actively not expected to plan for mother's day, which, a) fuck that, but also, b) it's hard to shake the feeling that someone else should be doing something. Even harder when you've got two moms. I tried a while ago to see if we could trade mother's & father's day each year, but that didn't work (even when I got a bowtie). And now the kids have Expectations that we do something, yet are too young to understand the above-stated reality and/or actually do anything themselves.
So it's always with a sense of dread that Mother's Day approaches. This year we're doing brunch with my mom and another mom (whose kids are with their dad this weekend). I tried to at least pick foods that could just be popped in the oven / chopped up, and maybe having two extra moms around will distract the kids. Because folks, I was on my own with both kids all day yesterday and I am tired. I love them, and one of them had been up since 4am.
It has been nice to see CG's interest in mother's day evolve from one of self to realizing it's a day for others, though. She asked me if I wanted to sleep in for mother's day and I just started laughing. I haven't been able to sleep in since even before kids. All I want is a quiet morning to drink my coffee and write, and... well, it's almost 5am and maybe I'll get that today.
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