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spryngNow for a second, slightly longer, catch-up post.
Where have I been? In short: Twitter. In long: Fucking Twitter.
I'm actually giving Twitter up for Lent* because it's making me miserable. I originally joined it to find agents and then I stayed to try to figure out/engage with the writing community, but now it feels as if I'm sitting in a fishbowl holding a conversation with myself. Occasionally someone will drop into my bowl and I'll feel like YES THIS IS THE POINT OF TWITTER REAL ENGAGEMENT and then they leave and then I realize, lol - Twitter is not set up for real engagement.
That's what, say, dreamwidth or LJ are for. And I realized I missed this kind of community. The kind where I actually see and feel seen. So I'm not just dropping Twitter for a while, I'm trying to come back here and re-engage. I need some reality and not just the shiny. The shiny can be fun, until you start comparing yourself to the shiny and just seeing a smear of shine instead of real people and their own struggles.
To be fair to Twitter, I have met people through there. I've connected with my agent siblings, for one, and I found out about Sirens (a women-in-fantasy conference in Colorado) and Confusion (a con in Detroit) through it. Which is why it's been hard to quit. Which is why I'm telling myself I'm just taking a break.
Because omg, my life is actually really amazing right now if I'd just step back and stop comparing myself to people further along / with more friends / covered in awards. Like, I'm not even at a point where I can compare myself, and yet. That is what I do. I'm competitive. Can't stop, won't stop, so I'd better get away.
So yeah, there're some aspects about my life I'm actively trying to change. Depression. Loneliness. Time management. Money. But holy shit I'm an author. I mean yeah my book is still a year out, but I have copy edits next month and blurbs coming in. Fucking blurbs. From other authors. People - humans - are reading it and not putting it gently back into the box and pretending they never received it.
I have a baby who is walking and starting to talk and who gives us hugs and squeals with delight when we tickle her feet. I have a wife who does Science and just published another paper and is doing Cool Shit. And I have punching class, where I'm occasionally actually good at the punching.
Things could be better - I really wish I had friends locally, I wish I could talk to one friend about all things re: publishing because she's been there and understands but instead we tiptoe around any mention of books, I miss Arizona and the mountains, the whole country is going to hell, this part of Michigan doesn't understand what plowing means, I still struggle to weightlift and my body is not where I'd want it to be, food is hard, depression is high for both me and my wife, god do I miss the mountains...
But I'm doing all right.
* I'm not Catholic, but the idea of occasionally giving something up that you feel you can't live without is a good exercise, IMNSHO.
Where have I been? In short: Twitter. In long: Fucking Twitter.
I'm actually giving Twitter up for Lent* because it's making me miserable. I originally joined it to find agents and then I stayed to try to figure out/engage with the writing community, but now it feels as if I'm sitting in a fishbowl holding a conversation with myself. Occasionally someone will drop into my bowl and I'll feel like YES THIS IS THE POINT OF TWITTER REAL ENGAGEMENT and then they leave and then I realize, lol - Twitter is not set up for real engagement.
That's what, say, dreamwidth or LJ are for. And I realized I missed this kind of community. The kind where I actually see and feel seen. So I'm not just dropping Twitter for a while, I'm trying to come back here and re-engage. I need some reality and not just the shiny. The shiny can be fun, until you start comparing yourself to the shiny and just seeing a smear of shine instead of real people and their own struggles.
To be fair to Twitter, I have met people through there. I've connected with my agent siblings, for one, and I found out about Sirens (a women-in-fantasy conference in Colorado) and Confusion (a con in Detroit) through it. Which is why it's been hard to quit. Which is why I'm telling myself I'm just taking a break.
Because omg, my life is actually really amazing right now if I'd just step back and stop comparing myself to people further along / with more friends / covered in awards. Like, I'm not even at a point where I can compare myself, and yet. That is what I do. I'm competitive. Can't stop, won't stop, so I'd better get away.
So yeah, there're some aspects about my life I'm actively trying to change. Depression. Loneliness. Time management. Money. But holy shit I'm an author. I mean yeah my book is still a year out, but I have copy edits next month and blurbs coming in. Fucking blurbs. From other authors. People - humans - are reading it and not putting it gently back into the box and pretending they never received it.
I have a baby who is walking and starting to talk and who gives us hugs and squeals with delight when we tickle her feet. I have a wife who does Science and just published another paper and is doing Cool Shit. And I have punching class, where I'm occasionally actually good at the punching.
Things could be better - I really wish I had friends locally, I wish I could talk to one friend about all things re: publishing because she's been there and understands but instead we tiptoe around any mention of books, I miss Arizona and the mountains, the whole country is going to hell, this part of Michigan doesn't understand what plowing means, I still struggle to weightlift and my body is not where I'd want it to be, food is hard, depression is high for both me and my wife, god do I miss the mountains...
But I'm doing all right.
* I'm not Catholic, but the idea of occasionally giving something up that you feel you can't live without is a good exercise, IMNSHO.
no subject
Date: 2018-02-14 05:24 pm (UTC)It's a hard shift to make and I had to unfollow said friends on facebook to cut the cord and stop feeling some-type-of-way. May this lenten season propel you forward on freeing yourself from Comparison!
I wonder why you tiptoe around books with the friend who knows the ropes? Have you considered MeetUp in your area?
no subject
Date: 2018-02-14 06:14 pm (UTC)Friend has had a hard time with writing/getting pubbed. She's an amazing writer herself, but has gone through a lot of stressful stuff lately, so it's just a sore spot. I 100% understand because I was sore about babies/pregnancy while in the endless ditches of TTC.
Alas, this town is kind of small and there aren't really any MeetUps, even in general, around here. There's a NaNoWriMo group, but it's mostly college students, so not quite my crowd.