(no subject)

[spryng]

Life has been coming together into a zen-like flow these past few months. I'm in by no means an ideal place, but I think I'm better able to be okay with that and to celebrate the awesome that is. I've got a job I don't hate, enough time to churn out around a page of writing each day, I've got amazing friends, good food, cats, a habit of exercising three days a week (at least), and a functional body.

These days, I'm not thinking so much about the future as the now. It's a nice change; instead of when I'm making this much or when I have this job or when we live here or in this future, hypothetical situation, it's more often next weekend or today. I like that. I have frequently clung desperately to the now while daydreaming about the future, which is so terribly counter productive.

I'm not entirely sure what the change was, but part of it is definitely having a job that, if not exactly the most cerebral, is a little bit of fun, and when it's not, I can at least give it half my attention while listening to an audiobook. The other change I can point to definitively is writing regularly, even if it's just a few minutes at lunch. I think just accepting that that's what I want to do, that's what is important to me, has helped me to stop flailing at life and trying to find something different. I'm never going to be a professional photographer or a teacher or whatever other crazy career scheme I've most recently cooked up; I'm going to be a writer or nothing. That's it. And you know what, I'm finally okay with that.