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Jul. 29th, 2025 06:50 amMy birth month* is just around the corner and this time I'm turning 39. I swear I've been 40 in my head for a few years already, so it's no big deal. I do want to use the energy of this last year in my 30s to make some changes, though. Or at least shore up what I've already been working on and ensure I enter 40 with a strong foundation.
Honestly, closing in on 40 feels right, like I was already mentally this age and now my body has caught up. I've always been the youngest in my social circles, yet somehow also the most mature. So now I'm aging gracefully into being the elder in my circles (been there for a while at work) and I almost feel like I need to balance that with a bit of silliness. Not quite immaturity, but less taking things so seriously. I think I've been bringing that vibe to dayjob a lot recently -- we've had a lot of terrible-for-morale events and stress and I've quietly and calmly reminded several coworkers that our jobs aren't worth our mental health/general health. Nothing we do there is life or death, even if leadership acts that way.
I definitely let myself get caught up in it as well these past few months. It's hard not to when the economy is so shit, when HR is watching us like a hawk, waiting to pick off our weakest members, when this really is a unicorn gig and despite actively looking, I haven't found anything half as good. But stressing about it isn't going to make me more productive, just more miserable.
(CW: diet talk)
Not that changing my outlook has been as easy as flipping a switch; I'm convinced my diet change has made the biggest impact. I forgot how much my anxiety lessened the last time I made this big of a change, and of course my anxiety has been creeping up on me like the biggest but most persistent slug this past year. It's so easy to forget food's impact when there's so much swirling confusion and contradiction around food out there, but I need to remember that for me, specifically, it matters.
Honestly, I've even had some of my old energy back. Like, nearing how I felt in my 20s levels, which was when I felt pretty unstoppable. It's been so... refreshing, reinvigorating, revitalizing, but most of all - a fucking relief. I had pretty much given up and assumed that This Was Just How It Was.
Now that I've been doing paleo for two cycles and all those PMDD symptoms have vanished, I've got to look at how this will work going forward. I don't want to be That Guy and not allow myself to eat anything, but I also don't want to slip into old habits. I also don't want to give my kids life-long complexes. I've never had the healthiest relationship with food and likely never will and I don't want to pass that on to them.
That's part of my foundation laying, then. Figuring out how to do this longterm in a safe, healthful, conscientious and not disordered way. Because if anything I've learned over the last year, I need to take better care of myself. And if anything I've learned from older friends' experiences going forward, the time you spend now taking care of yourself will not only make you feel better now, but pay dividends down the road. My grandmum had a best friend who was spry and energetic well up into her 90s and she's always been who I picture myself becoming in my old age. Happy, kind, capable. Optimistic, too, which is something I've really got to work on.
I also want to be and remain strong. Apparently strength doesn't start to wane for women until your 50s, and I've always dreamed of doing strong woman competitions. I just PR'ed my bench this morning and almost all of my lifts are stronger than they were in my 20s. I don't know if I'll ever get near the level of competing, but... I want to try.
So yeah. IDK. It almost seems like 40s are the new 20s, at least when it comes to my health and goals. I've got some other ideas percolating for the year ahead, but it's time to get the kids up.
*Yes I'm the sort who celebrates their birth month. No, I'm not going to stop or "grow out of it."
Honestly, closing in on 40 feels right, like I was already mentally this age and now my body has caught up. I've always been the youngest in my social circles, yet somehow also the most mature. So now I'm aging gracefully into being the elder in my circles (been there for a while at work) and I almost feel like I need to balance that with a bit of silliness. Not quite immaturity, but less taking things so seriously. I think I've been bringing that vibe to dayjob a lot recently -- we've had a lot of terrible-for-morale events and stress and I've quietly and calmly reminded several coworkers that our jobs aren't worth our mental health/general health. Nothing we do there is life or death, even if leadership acts that way.
I definitely let myself get caught up in it as well these past few months. It's hard not to when the economy is so shit, when HR is watching us like a hawk, waiting to pick off our weakest members, when this really is a unicorn gig and despite actively looking, I haven't found anything half as good. But stressing about it isn't going to make me more productive, just more miserable.
(CW: diet talk)
Not that changing my outlook has been as easy as flipping a switch; I'm convinced my diet change has made the biggest impact. I forgot how much my anxiety lessened the last time I made this big of a change, and of course my anxiety has been creeping up on me like the biggest but most persistent slug this past year. It's so easy to forget food's impact when there's so much swirling confusion and contradiction around food out there, but I need to remember that for me, specifically, it matters.
Honestly, I've even had some of my old energy back. Like, nearing how I felt in my 20s levels, which was when I felt pretty unstoppable. It's been so... refreshing, reinvigorating, revitalizing, but most of all - a fucking relief. I had pretty much given up and assumed that This Was Just How It Was.
Now that I've been doing paleo for two cycles and all those PMDD symptoms have vanished, I've got to look at how this will work going forward. I don't want to be That Guy and not allow myself to eat anything, but I also don't want to slip into old habits. I also don't want to give my kids life-long complexes. I've never had the healthiest relationship with food and likely never will and I don't want to pass that on to them.
That's part of my foundation laying, then. Figuring out how to do this longterm in a safe, healthful, conscientious and not disordered way. Because if anything I've learned over the last year, I need to take better care of myself. And if anything I've learned from older friends' experiences going forward, the time you spend now taking care of yourself will not only make you feel better now, but pay dividends down the road. My grandmum had a best friend who was spry and energetic well up into her 90s and she's always been who I picture myself becoming in my old age. Happy, kind, capable. Optimistic, too, which is something I've really got to work on.
I also want to be and remain strong. Apparently strength doesn't start to wane for women until your 50s, and I've always dreamed of doing strong woman competitions. I just PR'ed my bench this morning and almost all of my lifts are stronger than they were in my 20s. I don't know if I'll ever get near the level of competing, but... I want to try.
So yeah. IDK. It almost seems like 40s are the new 20s, at least when it comes to my health and goals. I've got some other ideas percolating for the year ahead, but it's time to get the kids up.
*Yes I'm the sort who celebrates their birth month. No, I'm not going to stop or "grow out of it."
