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2 Year Plans
Aug. 4th, 2024 06:14 amBetween day job and house spousing, I'm feeling trapped again. This seems to happen any time one demands more time than I have and I'm forced to let other things go. It also seems to be coming from the week solo-parenting where my duties really weren't any more than they usually are.
In a fit of feeling trapped, I tried to figure out if I could retire even earlier -- say, when Toddler goes to kindergarten in two years. At that point, we could drop childcare entirely and save a hefty sum. I was so excited for a little bit at the prospective, but the more calculations I do, the more impossible it seems. There's still a gap of 20k in our finances if I quit altogether, even if I'm frugal and skimp and save. I still need to contribute to my actual retirement, which we'd be fine with now if I could just ride it out the next seven years.
If only publishing could bring a modicum of certainty. 20k seems so doable in any other field, but hah hah, not publishing. It's so frustrating that even the publishing houses like to treat authors like they just have a little hobby, and that the money isn't actually necessary for their continued existence. The way pub dates and therefore pay dates get pushed around entirely at the publisher's whim, or broken up into smaller and smaller pieces. If an advance were still truly an advance -- that is, money to live on while the writing gets done -- then it might be more doable. As is...
But the other side of this dream/need is I want to be there for the kids. I don't want CG to have to go to afterschool care forever. I want her to be able to come home after school, do her homework, see her friends, do any activities she might need to. Same with Toddler. And summers... I'm definitely jealous of some of the parents who can take weeks off to spend time with their kids and just enjoy their family. I'm sure it brings it's own stressors, but I can't help but want more unstructured time for both of ours.
On the other, other side, all of their friends are also in daycare/childcare. So like... it's just normal for this generation, as much as I dislike it.
Either way, two years is still a long ways out. So much could change--so much has changed in just the last two years. My workload has increased on both fronts, but as the kids get older, they'll be able to help more--and need less help. Toddler has stopped inconsistently waking up early and now can be expected to sleep past 6.30am. Just knowing I won't be interrupted during my only writing hours makes a huge difference.
And I have this WIP that isn't supposed to be anything but now feels like it could be something. I re-read it a few days ago, and it's not bad. I could use it to get a new agent, try a new stab at publishing, etc.
So I think, that's ultimately what I'm going to do. I'm going to write/rewrite/revise this WIP over the next year and then yeet it into the ether. Going on the 2-year timeline, that would give me at least a year to sell it. Entirely plausible, even possible at my snail-pace. And then maybe, maybe, if it sells I'll get that 20k I need to quit my job. It'll be precarious and scary, but never enough that I'd have to worry about losing the house or anything that big.
In the meantime, I can practice frugality, save as much as we can. I've already talked to Lady about most of this, and while she doesn't like having to think about money as much as we did in our 20s, she also knows I've been constantly on the edge of burning out -- if not actually burnt out several times.
I just... I want a second chance at my dream. For a few glorious years, I had it, and even if it burned in unexpected ways, it was exactly what I'd wanted. At least this time I know exactly what I'm getting into and I know the kind of support I need. So there's that.
In a fit of feeling trapped, I tried to figure out if I could retire even earlier -- say, when Toddler goes to kindergarten in two years. At that point, we could drop childcare entirely and save a hefty sum. I was so excited for a little bit at the prospective, but the more calculations I do, the more impossible it seems. There's still a gap of 20k in our finances if I quit altogether, even if I'm frugal and skimp and save. I still need to contribute to my actual retirement, which we'd be fine with now if I could just ride it out the next seven years.
If only publishing could bring a modicum of certainty. 20k seems so doable in any other field, but hah hah, not publishing. It's so frustrating that even the publishing houses like to treat authors like they just have a little hobby, and that the money isn't actually necessary for their continued existence. The way pub dates and therefore pay dates get pushed around entirely at the publisher's whim, or broken up into smaller and smaller pieces. If an advance were still truly an advance -- that is, money to live on while the writing gets done -- then it might be more doable. As is...
But the other side of this dream/need is I want to be there for the kids. I don't want CG to have to go to afterschool care forever. I want her to be able to come home after school, do her homework, see her friends, do any activities she might need to. Same with Toddler. And summers... I'm definitely jealous of some of the parents who can take weeks off to spend time with their kids and just enjoy their family. I'm sure it brings it's own stressors, but I can't help but want more unstructured time for both of ours.
On the other, other side, all of their friends are also in daycare/childcare. So like... it's just normal for this generation, as much as I dislike it.
Either way, two years is still a long ways out. So much could change--so much has changed in just the last two years. My workload has increased on both fronts, but as the kids get older, they'll be able to help more--and need less help. Toddler has stopped inconsistently waking up early and now can be expected to sleep past 6.30am. Just knowing I won't be interrupted during my only writing hours makes a huge difference.
And I have this WIP that isn't supposed to be anything but now feels like it could be something. I re-read it a few days ago, and it's not bad. I could use it to get a new agent, try a new stab at publishing, etc.
So I think, that's ultimately what I'm going to do. I'm going to write/rewrite/revise this WIP over the next year and then yeet it into the ether. Going on the 2-year timeline, that would give me at least a year to sell it. Entirely plausible, even possible at my snail-pace. And then maybe, maybe, if it sells I'll get that 20k I need to quit my job. It'll be precarious and scary, but never enough that I'd have to worry about losing the house or anything that big.
In the meantime, I can practice frugality, save as much as we can. I've already talked to Lady about most of this, and while she doesn't like having to think about money as much as we did in our 20s, she also knows I've been constantly on the edge of burning out -- if not actually burnt out several times.
I just... I want a second chance at my dream. For a few glorious years, I had it, and even if it burned in unexpected ways, it was exactly what I'd wanted. At least this time I know exactly what I'm getting into and I know the kind of support I need. So there's that.
