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Week 7: Hello Nausea
Feb. 24th, 2016 03:43 pmWarning: Pregnancy-related post.
The nausea is pretty mild, but it's there. I'm actually relieved? Although of course every time it goes away completely I worry a little. It's more of a general gross feeling than just nausea and I haven't really felt like throwing up, just like there's something stuck in my throat that wants to come out. Weird, not at all what I expected, but I've been asking around and it seems to line up.
I keep swinging between really-really-hungry-never-going-to-be-full and fuck-food-why-does-anybody-eat. This has led me to eating some really crappy stuff because it was the only thing even slightly appealing - ice cream for dinner, cheese and refried beans, cheese on everything, more ice cream, toast with cheese, toast with butter, toast with ice cream (not quite, but that doesn't sound bad).
(To be fair, toast and cheese and refried beans are not really crappy, but when that's been all I'm eating, well...)
Otherwise, I feel fine. The intense fatigue from last week has petered off, although I can still easily sleep 10 hours a night. I switched to half-caff coffee because regular was making me too jittery. My boobs have already jumped a size - I have one bra that fits because I accidentally bought it in a size too large. Yaay accidents that turned out not to be accidents.
I've stopped worrying as much and I've only had one panic attack about it being (possibly) dead, so yay. We have our first ultrasound tomorrow (yay!), where we'll (hopefully) see a tiny smudge with a heartbeat. If it has a heartbeat, then our risk of miscarriage will drop considerably and I will breathe a lot easier. If it doesn't... well. We'll handle that if we have to.
It's still surreal, but more in a don't-really-feel-pregnant-but-my-boobs-are-huge kind of way than an any-moment-I'm-going-to-start-my-period way.
---/pregnancy talk ends
Life outside of all that has been... odd. I'm finally admitting that I have writer's block, and much like morning sickness, it's nothing like I expected. It's not just that I can't write - I can physically put words down on the page - but that everything I write lacks soul. I don't want to write and that's coming across in how flat and bland my writing is.
My whole reason for writing was to keep the stories in my head from driving me crazy, but those stories are gone. It's quiet in my head for once and I'm terrified. I can only trust that in time it'll come back, but in the meantime I can't keep from wondering: what if it doesn't?
The nausea is pretty mild, but it's there. I'm actually relieved? Although of course every time it goes away completely I worry a little. It's more of a general gross feeling than just nausea and I haven't really felt like throwing up, just like there's something stuck in my throat that wants to come out. Weird, not at all what I expected, but I've been asking around and it seems to line up.
I keep swinging between really-really-hungry-never-going-to-be-full and fuck-food-why-does-anybody-eat. This has led me to eating some really crappy stuff because it was the only thing even slightly appealing - ice cream for dinner, cheese and refried beans, cheese on everything, more ice cream, toast with cheese, toast with butter, toast with ice cream (not quite, but that doesn't sound bad).
(To be fair, toast and cheese and refried beans are not really crappy, but when that's been all I'm eating, well...)
Otherwise, I feel fine. The intense fatigue from last week has petered off, although I can still easily sleep 10 hours a night. I switched to half-caff coffee because regular was making me too jittery. My boobs have already jumped a size - I have one bra that fits because I accidentally bought it in a size too large. Yaay accidents that turned out not to be accidents.
I've stopped worrying as much and I've only had one panic attack about it being (possibly) dead, so yay. We have our first ultrasound tomorrow (yay!), where we'll (hopefully) see a tiny smudge with a heartbeat. If it has a heartbeat, then our risk of miscarriage will drop considerably and I will breathe a lot easier. If it doesn't... well. We'll handle that if we have to.
It's still surreal, but more in a don't-really-feel-pregnant-but-my-boobs-are-huge kind of way than an any-moment-I'm-going-to-start-my-period way.
---/pregnancy talk ends
Life outside of all that has been... odd. I'm finally admitting that I have writer's block, and much like morning sickness, it's nothing like I expected. It's not just that I can't write - I can physically put words down on the page - but that everything I write lacks soul. I don't want to write and that's coming across in how flat and bland my writing is.
My whole reason for writing was to keep the stories in my head from driving me crazy, but those stories are gone. It's quiet in my head for once and I'm terrified. I can only trust that in time it'll come back, but in the meantime I can't keep from wondering: what if it doesn't?
