New Year's

We rang in the new year with snow flurries and a recorded count down. I woke up five hours later and went for a short hike in the foothills to see snow. Lady stayed home in bed, still sick with her cold.



It was cold and quiet and magical, even if I heard weird snorting/snuffling noises and decided to turn around early. I still got to watch the sky brighten and the mountains come to light.



I came back and wished Lady a happy New Year and snuggled under blankets and tried to go back to sleep. Then I walked an hour to the only grocery store nearby that was open to get Lady some zinc to help her cold. I didn't listen to music or an audiobook - I simply was.

I roused Lady again and we were getting ready to go check on the chickens when my mom called. I answered immediately. She doesn't call without texting first if it's not Sunday, our usual chat day, and the last time this happened it was to tell me before Christmas that grandma (her mom) had fallen and was in the hospital. At that time, she had waited until the worst was past and they knew grandma was (relatively) fine (if you ignore the large purple & yellow bruises). A week later and it was Christmas Eve and grandma was out of the hospital and doing better by the day.

She had a physical therapy appointment on Tuesday. She and the therapist were both very pleased with her increased strength and mobility.

But mom wasn't calling to tell me about her PT appt. Grandma was back in the hospital. My aunt, who had been staying the night with her, found her unresponsive in her bed. The blood in her brain the doctors had thought was mostly reabsorbed had returned with a vengeance - it looked like she'd had a stroke. Parts of her brain were already dead, her brain stem compromised. The doctors could shift heaven and hell and maybe pull a miracle to wake her up, but her brain would still be severely damaged.

Thankfully, my mom and aunt and uncle had talked to her the week before and knew what she wanted. And what she didn't want was any extraordinary measures.

So they took her home. She's off any support - fluid, drugs, respiratory. She has anywhere from 3-7 days, if her heart doesn't simply give out first.

We're all a little stunned. I was ready for this two weeks ago, but not now. I just saw her on Sunday. She was awake, smiling, responsive. I told her I loved her and kissed her forehead. I worked with my cousin the week before to help get her out of bed at night and to the bathroom. Get her water and drugs. Sit with her and talk to her and listen to her. Every day she was getting stronger. We could both feel it when we helped her up. Sunday she could stand on her own.

I'll have more to say when I get the last call and go back out to IL. But for now I'm just so terribly thankful she got to see the whole family for Christmas, even the far flung ones. I know she's been hanging on for us more than herself since grandpa died, and I know she's been ready for a while. I don't know if there could have been a better time than this.

(I turned off comments because I love you guys, but it's hard for me to receive sympathy right now. Instead, please direct your thoughts and love towards my mother and her siblings. I can't imagine what they're going through.)