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Thoughts in the Evening
Jul. 22nd, 2013 08:00 pm- Weekends always go by in such a whirl, partially because I'm so busy, but partially because I love doing all the things I'm doing. Like cooking. And cleaning. Because I'm crazy.
- It's Monday and that's okay because I am more productive - writing-wise and planning-wise and life-things-wise - during the week. I am learning to embrace each day for what it is, including its rhythms and spaces, and not trying to push things when I know I never do that on that day. I don't write during the weekends. I just don't. I also don't cook during the week. It's a fair trade.
- I read a book about introverts (Quiet), and now I feel like something finally clicked. I was never really sure whether or not I was an extrovert or an introvert - I can hear my friends' minds breaking now on that one, but I do sometimes get energized from being around people - but that book convinced me. I'm definitely an introvert. Even though I enjoy people, I way prefer one-on-one interactions to group and the author explaining how some introverts get cantankerous at work due to the open office plans and emphasis on group dynamics made me want to cry. It also helped explain why I hate my desk set-up so much, too, what with having to have my back to anyone walking by, unable to see them sneaking up until they announce their presence IN MY EAR AND I GOUGE OUT THEIR EYES.
Not really, of course. Too much blood. Too squishy.
- Lists have been SO HELPFUL. Here. Look how productive I was last week!
( LISTS )
- Working on uploading GDitGO tonight. Hopefully will have that done and ready. Then I'll hopefully have some time to work on my writing before going to bed.
- Oh - and the making $ writing isn't actually making money. It's my new incentive system to help underscore that I'm trying to sell my writing. I'm paying myself $10 for each full hour I productively write, which will go towards things like wine and snacks at first and hopefully clothing and other slightly-more-necessary things in the future when I ramp up my hours. Kind of like an allowance. It should work to keep me from frivolously buying coffee as well as incentivize as well as concretely connect writing with profit. I'll let you know how well it goes. So far so good.
- BABIES.
- So the other reason I am trying to find a general practice (family?) doctor is because I'm kind of revving up for baby possibilities in 2+ years. I don't know why, but sometime in the last few months I've swung violently from ADOPTION YES to PREGNANCY YES. I think part of it was seeing just how damned much adoption costs, and - here in AZ at least - how sometimes legislators are assholes and enjoy legalizing discrimination. Pregnancy is also expensive, but then that kid is legitimately yours and you can never discount the larger boobs. Oh, and I have other reasons, too, but they're more in the insubstantial, touchy-feely I want the experience and it will be mine kind of way. Which are very hard to defend, so I'm not going to.
- THAT WAS A TANGENT. But anyway: I'm not even remotely sure I can have a kid, considering how royally fucked up everything was for 10+ years. I mean, one period a year is normal, right? Totally healthy. I seem to be to what is generally regarded as normal now, but who knows if there was any lasting damage. Or cancer. There could be cancer. It's not like I've had any of those female tests done. Ever. So I'm hoping to see if I can get that sort of shit checked on before I marry myself to the idea of having my own kid. I'm trying not to get my hopes too set on it, but then I go and browse all of the paleo mommy blogs and ... and ... and...
- I'm so damn conservative sometimes.
- On that note, it's time to write for the $'s.
- It's Monday and that's okay because I am more productive - writing-wise and planning-wise and life-things-wise - during the week. I am learning to embrace each day for what it is, including its rhythms and spaces, and not trying to push things when I know I never do that on that day. I don't write during the weekends. I just don't. I also don't cook during the week. It's a fair trade.
- I read a book about introverts (Quiet), and now I feel like something finally clicked. I was never really sure whether or not I was an extrovert or an introvert - I can hear my friends' minds breaking now on that one, but I do sometimes get energized from being around people - but that book convinced me. I'm definitely an introvert. Even though I enjoy people, I way prefer one-on-one interactions to group and the author explaining how some introverts get cantankerous at work due to the open office plans and emphasis on group dynamics made me want to cry. It also helped explain why I hate my desk set-up so much, too, what with having to have my back to anyone walking by, unable to see them sneaking up until they announce their presence IN MY EAR AND I GOUGE OUT THEIR EYES.
Not really, of course. Too much blood. Too squishy.
- Lists have been SO HELPFUL. Here. Look how productive I was last week!
( LISTS )
- Working on uploading GDitGO tonight. Hopefully will have that done and ready. Then I'll hopefully have some time to work on my writing before going to bed.
- Oh - and the making $ writing isn't actually making money. It's my new incentive system to help underscore that I'm trying to sell my writing. I'm paying myself $10 for each full hour I productively write, which will go towards things like wine and snacks at first and hopefully clothing and other slightly-more-necessary things in the future when I ramp up my hours. Kind of like an allowance. It should work to keep me from frivolously buying coffee as well as incentivize as well as concretely connect writing with profit. I'll let you know how well it goes. So far so good.
- BABIES.
- So the other reason I am trying to find a general practice (family?) doctor is because I'm kind of revving up for baby possibilities in 2+ years. I don't know why, but sometime in the last few months I've swung violently from ADOPTION YES to PREGNANCY YES. I think part of it was seeing just how damned much adoption costs, and - here in AZ at least - how sometimes legislators are assholes and enjoy legalizing discrimination. Pregnancy is also expensive, but then that kid is legitimately yours and you can never discount the larger boobs. Oh, and I have other reasons, too, but they're more in the insubstantial, touchy-feely I want the experience and it will be mine kind of way. Which are very hard to defend, so I'm not going to.
- THAT WAS A TANGENT. But anyway: I'm not even remotely sure I can have a kid, considering how royally fucked up everything was for 10+ years. I mean, one period a year is normal, right? Totally healthy. I seem to be to what is generally regarded as normal now, but who knows if there was any lasting damage. Or cancer. There could be cancer. It's not like I've had any of those female tests done. Ever. So I'm hoping to see if I can get that sort of shit checked on before I marry myself to the idea of having my own kid. I'm trying not to get my hopes too set on it, but then I go and browse all of the paleo mommy blogs and ... and ... and...
- I'm so damn conservative sometimes.
- On that note, it's time to write for the $'s.
