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Jun. 8th, 2012 05:07 pmI had a bad dream earlier this week, the nasty sort which can plague your mood for days. It was the opposite of one I'd had a few months ago, wherein we had prepared everything for the wedding and no one showed up. In this dream, everyone showed up, but we hadn't managed to finish preparing everything. Some guy we didn't know was our officiant and he treated the whole thing like a stand-up routine. Our dresses were ones we already owned. There was little food and everybody grumbled the entire time. And I woke up feeling like an imposter.
And I've been feeling that way a lot lately. Like somehow I don't deserve to get married. Like I'm making a big request of my friends to come all the way out to middle-of-the-country Minnesota to celebrate with us when it's not even going to be legal. And I feel like I'm going to drop the ball, like I've already dropped the ball, like everything is just going to fall apart and we'll be sitting there with nothing but empty tables come the 21st.
Which is ridiculous, I know. I mean, I know not everyone will be able to come and it won't be any reflection of their friendship or love or support. Well, except for half my family. From what I've heard out of the familial grapevine, my grandmum is the one person planning to come from dad's side. :/ I mean, not that I really expected them all to come, but damn.
Whew. It's fine. It'll be fine. It's a little more fine the more we do and get settled into place. People are going to come. People we love and who love us. And we're going to have this big awesome party and it's going to go fine because we can do this. I can do this. It's pretty much like one big fancy dinner, right? Just with dancing and a bird in a tux.
More concretely, we've been putting together a wedsite (haha! get it? a wedding website? a wedsite? yeah, it's terrible, I know), reassuring each other, remembering why we're doing this (family! FRIENDS!), testing cupcake recipes (vanilla, chocolate red velvet, gf pumpkin, and a mystery fifth), tasting at the caterer's (SO GOOD. BRISKET, GUYS. BRISKET.), looking at hotels (possibly fantasizing about giant sleep overs and s'mores because DUDE. FIREPLACES), looking at ceremonies, reading possible vows, and getting engagement photos done.
It's coming together. It really is.
And I've been feeling that way a lot lately. Like somehow I don't deserve to get married. Like I'm making a big request of my friends to come all the way out to middle-of-the-country Minnesota to celebrate with us when it's not even going to be legal. And I feel like I'm going to drop the ball, like I've already dropped the ball, like everything is just going to fall apart and we'll be sitting there with nothing but empty tables come the 21st.
Which is ridiculous, I know. I mean, I know not everyone will be able to come and it won't be any reflection of their friendship or love or support. Well, except for half my family. From what I've heard out of the familial grapevine, my grandmum is the one person planning to come from dad's side. :/ I mean, not that I really expected them all to come, but damn.
Whew. It's fine. It'll be fine. It's a little more fine the more we do and get settled into place. People are going to come. People we love and who love us. And we're going to have this big awesome party and it's going to go fine because we can do this. I can do this. It's pretty much like one big fancy dinner, right? Just with dancing and a bird in a tux.
More concretely, we've been putting together a wedsite (haha! get it? a wedding website? a wedsite? yeah, it's terrible, I know), reassuring each other, remembering why we're doing this (family! FRIENDS!), testing cupcake recipes (vanilla, chocolate red velvet, gf pumpkin, and a mystery fifth), tasting at the caterer's (SO GOOD. BRISKET, GUYS. BRISKET.), looking at hotels (possibly fantasizing about giant sleep overs and s'mores because DUDE. FIREPLACES), looking at ceremonies, reading possible vows, and getting engagement photos done.
It's coming together. It really is.
