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Mar. 30th, 2011 10:19 amDay three of the new diet and I've yet to cannibalize my young. This may be due, in part, to the absence of any such young. Huzzah?
Edit of GW is going well so far, although mostly because I'm in the boring and easy stages of marking off each and every horrible bit and working out how to fix said bits, which is remarkably easier than actually fixing them. Predicting already that in a week I will be throwing up my hands in disgust and declaring that everything I write is utter tripe. Which it is. But at least now it seems like it could at least be entertaining tripe, a very important distinction.
I am also terribly excited for the new season of Doctor Who, which is sadly still three weeks away. In the meantime, though, I get to make Lady watch the last season and see her get all excited about it. I believe this not-so-new doctor may very well be rivaling Eccleston as my favorite.
Day 28 - Something that you miss
What do I miss? Well, from when do I miss it? Is it something I miss about childhood? About college? About people? Is it something I have never actually encountered, but only know it from the strange longing of my heart?
There are a lot of things I miss - the Bay, the atmosphere at NCF, the afternoon thunderstorms, Mt Rainier, the entire city of Seattle... - and there are a lot of people I miss, so many I cannot name them, so many I have left behind in other states and cities and countries as I must keep moving onwards, restless as ever.
But one of my newest rules for Self-Embetterment and Eventual World Domination (TM) is not to dwell so much on these. Take note, yes. Enjoy them while they are there for you, yes. But part of that enjoyment is not to think, oh my, how I miss such-and-such while I'm doing this other wonderful thing, such-and-such. To realize that all these things and people together have made for a wonderful life and experience of life, and that maybe some day I can touch on them again, see them again, but it will only be a lingering pass, because I can never gather all the things I miss up together in my arms and abscond. Their very nature precludes that.
Kind of a sad way to look at things, I suppose, but there's only so much life and I don't want to lose myself to nostalgia. Nor do I want to be blinded by the glittering fool's gold of the futures I keep painting for myself. Life here, now: this is where it's happening.
So yes, I miss things. I miss my friends. Oh so desperately, sometimes. I miss that moment I first realized I could smell autumn. I miss the brilliantly changing leaves. I miss the coffee. I miss curling my toes in warm sand and ocean water. I miss wandering to the Bay at one in the morning to air my thoughts and watch the moon. I miss sitting in Ham Center and translating Latin. I miss the friend piles. I miss biking to Sara's house after school and watching Sailor Moon. I miss Ana and her amazing and infectious laugh.
But I love what's going on now, too. I love the mountains, the cacti, the sand and desert, the quail and hummingbirds, the river that has no water, the job that lets me intern at an agency, while writing. I love my Lady and that she's finally a grad student, coming home almost every day excited again about science. Seriously, look at how cute she is. I love that I have time to read and seriously delve into the workings of the publishing industry. I love my friends here, in Tucson, their willingness to go along with our crazy schemes and dinners. Oh, and the hiking.
Not that everything is coming up roses. I have my days full of indecision and ennui, my times spent convinced that everything is going to fall to pieces, that my lack of a life plan and hireable college degree will leave me stranded, penniless and depressed, and possibly as soon as this coming winter.
In short: I'm trying not to miss things so as not to miss what's here now.
Edit of GW is going well so far, although mostly because I'm in the boring and easy stages of marking off each and every horrible bit and working out how to fix said bits, which is remarkably easier than actually fixing them. Predicting already that in a week I will be throwing up my hands in disgust and declaring that everything I write is utter tripe. Which it is. But at least now it seems like it could at least be entertaining tripe, a very important distinction.
I am also terribly excited for the new season of Doctor Who, which is sadly still three weeks away. In the meantime, though, I get to make Lady watch the last season and see her get all excited about it. I believe this not-so-new doctor may very well be rivaling Eccleston as my favorite.
Day 28 - Something that you miss
What do I miss? Well, from when do I miss it? Is it something I miss about childhood? About college? About people? Is it something I have never actually encountered, but only know it from the strange longing of my heart?
There are a lot of things I miss - the Bay, the atmosphere at NCF, the afternoon thunderstorms, Mt Rainier, the entire city of Seattle... - and there are a lot of people I miss, so many I cannot name them, so many I have left behind in other states and cities and countries as I must keep moving onwards, restless as ever.
But one of my newest rules for Self-Embetterment and Eventual World Domination (TM) is not to dwell so much on these. Take note, yes. Enjoy them while they are there for you, yes. But part of that enjoyment is not to think, oh my, how I miss such-and-such while I'm doing this other wonderful thing, such-and-such. To realize that all these things and people together have made for a wonderful life and experience of life, and that maybe some day I can touch on them again, see them again, but it will only be a lingering pass, because I can never gather all the things I miss up together in my arms and abscond. Their very nature precludes that.
Kind of a sad way to look at things, I suppose, but there's only so much life and I don't want to lose myself to nostalgia. Nor do I want to be blinded by the glittering fool's gold of the futures I keep painting for myself. Life here, now: this is where it's happening.
So yes, I miss things. I miss my friends. Oh so desperately, sometimes. I miss that moment I first realized I could smell autumn. I miss the brilliantly changing leaves. I miss the coffee. I miss curling my toes in warm sand and ocean water. I miss wandering to the Bay at one in the morning to air my thoughts and watch the moon. I miss sitting in Ham Center and translating Latin. I miss the friend piles. I miss biking to Sara's house after school and watching Sailor Moon. I miss Ana and her amazing and infectious laugh.
But I love what's going on now, too. I love the mountains, the cacti, the sand and desert, the quail and hummingbirds, the river that has no water, the job that lets me intern at an agency, while writing. I love my Lady and that she's finally a grad student, coming home almost every day excited again about science. Seriously, look at how cute she is. I love that I have time to read and seriously delve into the workings of the publishing industry. I love my friends here, in Tucson, their willingness to go along with our crazy schemes and dinners. Oh, and the hiking.
Not that everything is coming up roses. I have my days full of indecision and ennui, my times spent convinced that everything is going to fall to pieces, that my lack of a life plan and hireable college degree will leave me stranded, penniless and depressed, and possibly as soon as this coming winter.
In short: I'm trying not to miss things so as not to miss what's here now.
