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Nov. 30th, 2008 08:27 pmI really can't have coffee anymore. This is rather heartbreaking. I've been without for a few weeks now, thought it'd be okay to have half a cup in the morning the past two days, and wham, had an attack that lasted most of Saturday morning. Ugh. I mean, it's good I discovered tea when I did, but I just crave coffee. But it's just not worth it.
Meanwhile, Fallout 3 has sucked out my brain, then put it gently back in by crashing every 10-15 minutes. The driver nvldmkmm fails and recovers joyfully as the entire computer freezes. I've tried searching for fixes, but it appears no one really knows what to do, and neither nVidia, whose driver it is, nor Bethesda seem to acknowledge the problem. This has happened with other games before, but not to the extent that it happens with Bethesda games. Does anybody have any experience/tips with this?
I've been funky lately, potentially because of this grad school application that I can't get finished (on draft 3 of the statement of purpose - hopefully this will be the last). Potentially because of hormones. Potentially because I'm afraid of life sometimes. Like, what if I don't get into grad school? What do I do? Why did I take such a big gamble by moving out here immediately and not applying to a variety of places last year? I know I wanted a year off and I didn't want to stay in Florida... I also knew that this year would either propel me back into college with added enthusiasm or land me a gig I liked. Much enthusiasm, definitely. I want to go back to school more than anything - I miss the culture, I miss the reading, the classes, the learning.
And what else do I want to do with my life beyond writing and teaching? Not much. I want to be awesome, but I can't figure out how.
Also, I miss home. I mean, Seattle's home now, in a way, but home is really still in Sarasota. I miss friends and people and the grass beneath bare feet and lounging by the bay and Palm Court and the firsties and the sketchy alums and classes and the library that I learned to loathe so much and the Four Winds and the horrible cafeteria food and the dorms and the overzealous a/c and roasting coffee on the porch and the fitness center and running around at midnight not worrying that some hobo might giggle creepily at me and the pool and the swings and the oppressive sun and Tijuana Flats and the beach and many, many other things I can never have again because I will never belong there again. I realize I'm tinting it gold with distance and that distance certainly helps in moving on, but oh man do I miss New College. At least friends are something that I can have again.
...it probably doesn't help my mood that it's been cloudy for several days now... >>
Edited to Add: Half Life fans? Heard of the remaking of the original HL in the Source engine? It's called Black Mesa: Source, they've been working on it forever, and it's finally got a release year as well as a (second) trailer. Omg. My day just got better.
Meanwhile, Fallout 3 has sucked out my brain, then put it gently back in by crashing every 10-15 minutes. The driver nvldmkmm fails and recovers joyfully as the entire computer freezes. I've tried searching for fixes, but it appears no one really knows what to do, and neither nVidia, whose driver it is, nor Bethesda seem to acknowledge the problem. This has happened with other games before, but not to the extent that it happens with Bethesda games. Does anybody have any experience/tips with this?
I've been funky lately, potentially because of this grad school application that I can't get finished (on draft 3 of the statement of purpose - hopefully this will be the last). Potentially because of hormones. Potentially because I'm afraid of life sometimes. Like, what if I don't get into grad school? What do I do? Why did I take such a big gamble by moving out here immediately and not applying to a variety of places last year? I know I wanted a year off and I didn't want to stay in Florida... I also knew that this year would either propel me back into college with added enthusiasm or land me a gig I liked. Much enthusiasm, definitely. I want to go back to school more than anything - I miss the culture, I miss the reading, the classes, the learning.
And what else do I want to do with my life beyond writing and teaching? Not much. I want to be awesome, but I can't figure out how.
Also, I miss home. I mean, Seattle's home now, in a way, but home is really still in Sarasota. I miss friends and people and the grass beneath bare feet and lounging by the bay and Palm Court and the firsties and the sketchy alums and classes and the library that I learned to loathe so much and the Four Winds and the horrible cafeteria food and the dorms and the overzealous a/c and roasting coffee on the porch and the fitness center and running around at midnight not worrying that some hobo might giggle creepily at me and the pool and the swings and the oppressive sun and Tijuana Flats and the beach and many, many other things I can never have again because I will never belong there again. I realize I'm tinting it gold with distance and that distance certainly helps in moving on, but oh man do I miss New College. At least friends are something that I can have again.
...it probably doesn't help my mood that it's been cloudy for several days now... >>
Edited to Add: Half Life fans? Heard of the remaking of the original HL in the Source engine? It's called Black Mesa: Source, they've been working on it forever, and it's finally got a release year as well as a (second) trailer. Omg. My day just got better.
