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[personal profile] spryng
Still here. Still alive. Still (very intermittently) checking LJ.

Just life is pretty much one of four things:

1) Baby. And I post about all the baby stuff on the speckofawesome.wordpress.com blog.

2) Day job. And that's going well with just the average amount of drama. I would talk more about my day job, but honestly, it can be boring even to me, so why bother. I make web trainings and sometimes people are ridiculous and sometimes the software we use is ridiculous and in the end the tranings get made and we get paid. *shrug* Of course, there's the continued drama of how much longer our company will get this contract, which translates to how much longer I'll get to do this cushy, stay-at-home job, but well.

3) Writing. It's going. It's a daily struggle to hit wordcount between 1, 2, and 4. I could expound upon my writing and editing process and how having a baby has changed a lot of that and yet not, but it all comes down to: am I going to miss my July 1st deadline? And that answer seems to change on a daily basis.

BUT - we are sending baby to one more day of daycare (now 4 days a week) which was a pretty big decision for me, complete with the requisite amount of guilt, but I just cannot find more than 30, 40min of uninterrupted time to write/edit/plot and that's become untenable. God, the guilt though. I feel like I should be able to handle day job, writing, baby, sleep, and keeping the house together, but I just can't. I keep reminding myself that I've been lucky to have two days off with baby each week, and even one day, but it's hard because unlike the day job, I *could* keep her home with me. If only I could figure out how to, you know, get work done while she was home. So basically, I can't. Which feels like a personal failing.


4) Sleep. Baby's sleep. My sleep. She's still waking up every 1-2 hours at night and it's killing me. Not just because of the sleep dep, but because I have to go to bed early just to get enough sleep to function and then she keeps getting up earlier and earlier, which cuts into the only time I have to myself (i.e. to write) in the day.

We started sleep training and it was going well (3 hour stretches!!) until last night when it all fell apart. She wouldn't stop crying so I did all the things I wasn't supposed to do (nurse, cuddle, etc) and then she was up every hour after that screaming. Finally she let out a massive poop at 5am and now seems to be sleeping (like a baby [hahahahaha {*sob*}]), but obviously I'm on edge about that since I'm here writing a blog entry instead of being able to focus on book writing.

If she would only sleep, life would be suddenly so much easier...

Overall, though, everything is 100x better with a 5(!) month old than it was with a newborn. She is so, so much easier to handle during the day, which makes the sleep dep a little less rough. I love her. She is ridiculous. She's started laughing, like, real laughs which just melt my heart. I can go out in public with her and she doesn't melt down. We even went to GA last weekend to visit my grandmum (her great grandmum) and she did amazing. She hated the car by the end of the trip, but then, who doesn't?

Cutting dairy out of my diet also seemed to clear up a lot of her issues. Now she only really fusses/cries when she's tired or we're trying to get her to sleep. Which, you know, is half the day. *shrug*

Watching her become interested in more and more things and become more aware and more of a tiny human is such a treat. I understand now why all those milestones are so exciting - newborns can't do anything and even something so simple as discovering her hands warrants celebration. She's rolling now - like legit, I can't leave her alone because she'll roll over and get upset with me - and I can see what will eventually become crawling. I both can't wait, because it'll mean she's that much closer to becoming an actual kid and terrified, because holy shit we'll need to baby proof.

Basically, if we could just skip the newborn phase, or maybe not have a colicky baby, I would totally do this again. Now just ask me that in three, four months when we really hit the on-the-go stage and we'll see, but. Yeah. I can see how/why people do this now.

You made it this far, so baby tax:

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