Mar. 31st, 2017

spryng: (Default)
I'm feeling increasingly panicked about this deadline. The worst part is it's not hard and fast, I could ask to move it, but my stubbornness REFUSES. I want to prove I can do this, even as I keep getting sick and the baby keeps getting sick and no one sleeps and work is eating my brain and then I guess I need to still do stuff around the house and my brain is increasingly little more than a ball of exhausted sludge.

Yet I don't feel like I can complain because omfg opportunity of a lifetime. Tiniest fucking violin. And I'm not complaining, not really, it's just the stress levels have been off the fucking charts.

Is it weird that I'm actually kind of glad I don't have any friends here? I simply don't have the time/energy to socialize. I miss my peeps from AZ and FL and sometimes I ache to just hang out and bake cupcakes again, but day-to-day-to-day I just don't have the time.

Instead, I keep hoping some day the balance will return. Some day I'll get enough sleep to function like a regular human being. To exercise. To cook. To give a fuck. I miss simply having the energy to get things done and get through the day.

So. Sorry if it seems I've been off the face of the earth. It's because I've been off the face of the earth. :/

June 2017

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